"Oh my god- I love you!"
That was the first thing I can remember Sorah Lee ever saying to me. I'm pretty sure it was immediately after handing her a shot of something delicious and alcoholic before I had even gotten her first name. I blushed, not knowing how to respond to my new co-worker behind the bar's affections.
"Aw, thanks. I love you, too!" Is how I responded to this virtual stranger before m.
We giggled at our new-found friendship, and it was then that I first heard the infectious, boisterous laugh that Sorah could have trademarked, bottled, and sold in stores--it was that magical, that charming, and that endearing.
We clinked our glasses together and tossed one back in celebration of whatever event we were working that night and to-- little did we know at the time-- a friendship of five years and a connection with someone that I've never, ever felt with another person. Maybe because there will never be anyone like her again.
Sorah was an explorer. Sorah was an adventurer. She was someone--nay, perhaps the only one--who understood my extreme case of wanderlust, just as I understood her wanderlusty disposition in return. The two of us were always looking for an adventure. Always looking for a new country to visit and a cheap vacay to snatch up before they were gone. Every Wednesday when travel deals come into my email, I would scour through the amazing adventures and experiences all over the world. When I found a bargain journey that wasn't too outrageous but that seemed like a "me and Sorah fit," I would excitedly share the details with her. Most people would look at the specials and say "3 nights in a naturally heated lagoon watching Aurora Borealis at night in Iceland? No thank you!" Or: "Riding as a passenger in a cargo ship just to get to Cuba? Ridiculous!"
Sorah, on the other hand, lived for life's miscellaneous opportunities. I can just hear her now:
"Copenhagen round trip for $543?! That's crazy. I had no previous desire to go to Denmark, but for that cheap, we should just buy them! Now! $1390 for a 10 night camel escorted trip to Morocco? I'm so down! Thailand hit on the beach for $5 a night? F%}^ yeah!!!"
We really should have just bought those silly tickets--whatever they were and to whereever far away land that had suddenly become more accessible to us. But we didn't. And now there are no more travel opportunities for Sorah the Explorer and Koelen Wanderlust. It breaks my heart to think of the "what ifs" and "if onlys" that she and I could have undertaken together. What hurts the most is knowing that my fellow culture aficionado and my travel buddy has taken her last trip without me--And we will never be able to actually go on any of the crazy adventures we so dreamed about. Now that she is gone, I'm terribly sad thinking about all of the places we wanted to go to but no longer can venture to together.
It's difficult to accept that someone like Sorah is gone when they are taken from us too soon. Death is never easy, but losing someone as magnificent as Sorah Lee is truly a devastating loss to all of humanity. She was like a beautiful flower that was always in full bloom all year long. Her personality was warm and hilarious--she never missed a beat with her devilish wit or cheeky sense of humor. Probably because she was one of the smartest people I have ever met. She was well read and well traveled, but Sorah was also what I would call well-peopled. She loved everyone from all walks of life, loved exploring new cultures, and loved making new friends all over the world. Like the colonial British Empire before her, the sun never sets on the vast network of Sorah's family all over the world.
Her zest for life was so infectious that people just wanted to be around her, like I did. Sure she was open, kind, and intelligent, but I feel what really drew people into her was this aurora and energy that she had that can never be substituted or replaced.
She was a stalwart friend and a fierce ally who always concerned herself with what was going on in your life. Sorah loved people and was always invested in their lives. She was proactive and championed equality for everyone including supporting myself and lgbt rights in her home state of Oklahoma and in the US.
Sorah had insisted nearly every time that my mother visited California that she wanted to meet the matriarch of my family. One of our last times hanging out ever, as it turns out, was a lunch on the boardwalk in Venice just so Sorah had the chance to meet my mother. We stopped and inhaled vapors at an all vapor bar after we ate--something none of the three of us wanderlusters had ever experienced before. Upon saying goodbye, Sorah leaned in to my mother to give her a big hug.
"It was so great to finally meet you," Sorah said to my mom, as if the two of them had been pen pals for years before finally arranging a meeting. My mom was thrilled to have met her, and said of my friend that she was "neat", "special", and that she "seemed like she is an incredible woman."
My mum couldn't have nailed it on the head any better: Sorah was special. And was an incredible woman. As we said goodbye to Venice and our lovely lunch, Sorah grabbed me, hugged me, and reiterated the same first words she had said when we first met:
"I love you!"
I only had 5 years with my friend Sorah, and I realize that our time was cut way too short now that she has passed. Can any of this writing actually summarize who my dearly departed friend was and the impact she made on my life and the countless amount of others? Are there enough words to describe the writer, the warrior, the compassionate, the hilarious, the wise, the sensitive, the conscious, the healer, the guidance counselor, the friend, the lover, the daughter, the traveler, the adventurer, the best friend, the confident, and the amazing being that was Sorah the Explorer? I don't think there are enough words or enough tears to bring her back. Or to begin to illustrate what this world has lost now that she is gone.
All that is left now is the immense amount of love and affection that she gave toward everyone in her life and an extreme sadness felt by those once warmed by her light. She made every moment that she was in my life better. She was truly a person who knew how to live life for today, who knew to not take anything in life for granted, and someone who knew how to enjoy every moment that we are blessed living.
Two summers ago, I was headed to Berlin and Prague on one of my many adventures and asked my Facebook friends if they had connections in Germany or Czech Republic. It didn't shock me in the least that it was Sorah with a response when she messaged me an hour later connecting me with her friend Petra in Prague. Sorah praised Petra and said I would be in good hands contacting her.
When I finally arrived in Czech, I reached out to Petra and we agreed to meet up for some drinks. Petra, a perfect stranger that had no connection to me other than being Sorah's friend, took me out for a night in the bohemian capital that I will never forget. She and her friend lead me out to all the most gorgeous and all the best bars and places in Prague, all the while buying me cocktails the whole time--despite my insistence to the alternative! I finally had to stop and insist that I pay for at least one round of drinks. Probably because, at that point, it was way past my turn to pay and I felt guilty that here I was the American getting wined and dined all over Praha without having done anything to have earned such an amazing welcome.
Before parting ways with the ladies, I asked Petra to remind me of how she and Sorah had met. I knew that the two of them had met while on holiday in Asia, but the specs were foggy to me other than that. She reminded me of the details I had forgotten but brought to life new information that I hadn't realized about our friend:
Petra and Sorah had met in Cambodia while staying in the same hotel. Petra, without warning, got very sick while vacationing and Sorah ended up taking care of her, despite the two women being virtual strangers. Finally, Petra was nursed back to health and an unbreakable bond was formed between the two ladies.
Suddenly a lot seemed to make sense. Petra, it seems, was paying forward all of Sorah's kindness onto me. As I said, Petra and I were perfect strangers before that night that Sorah connected us both. But Petra took it upon herself to show me her world and a glorious time in Praha as a sign of her love for our mutual amiga. Obviously my new Czech friend is one hellova person herself, having been so kind and generous. But that evening just spoke volumes to me about the caliber of a person Sorah was and the people that she had in her world. I couldn't have asked for a better night, I couldn't have imagined a better hostess, and I couldn't have dreamed of any other way the universe could have unveiled itself as more beautiful than the love I witnessed that night between three star-crossed souls.
Sorah the Explorer showed me so much light in my world that I have no choice but to pay forward her intensity and passion for life and people. Her swift and sudden departure from this world is a cruel reminder that life is short. I'm truly so devastated by her loss that words cannot fill the void that remains in her wake. There is a pain in realizing the inevitable end to something and so much more anguish when that end is a friend's life taken way too soon. If I had one more chance to grab you and hug you, to travel with you, or to even take a shot of Jameson with you--knowing damn good and well I loathe but you loved whiskey-- it would make losing you forever somewhat bearable.
I haven't stopped crying in the days since I found out you are gone, my sweet Sorah. I'm sure that's the regret I feel for not being more present in your life and the regret I'll carry with me forever knowing we could have traveled together or done things differently.
"You can't cry over me forever," I can just hear her say. "Well, maybe cry just a little bit more to show me how much you really love me," She might have even followed up with as a joke.
And she would be right. I should laugh more, I should breath more, and I should stop to look around and appreciate all of the beauty in nature and the people surrounding me, just as Sorah would.
There have been many, many kind words written about my friend, Sorah Lee, since her passing. This is the message by her friend Ernesto that has stuck out to me as the most poignant:
"Life is too short ladies and gentlemen. Travel whenever you get the chance. Fall in love as much as possible, even if it's with the same person over and over again. Never let anyone stop you from doing anything. Be the person you always dreamed you would be. Have zero regrets."
In short: live more like Sorah did. Have a zest for living and make no apologies for the choices you make and how awesome you are as a person.
The last time we spoke via text, she was apologizing for missing my book release party because her long lost Panamanian friend was in town only for that night. I laughed at this excuse, because I valued it a good one but more because it was honest and just so typically Sorah. Of course she'd be having dinner with her friend from Panama on a Thursday night. Why wouldn't she? The last sms message she ever sent to me said:
"I'll text you after and see where you're at. Love you!!!!"
A few weeks later, I saw her in passing at an event we were working together. We briefly caught up with each other and discussed holiday and travel plans. We both ardently agreed that 2015 would be the year we would travel together. I looked at her before walking away and I said:
"Promise?"
"Promise!" She said. I began walking away.
"I love you, Koelen!!!" She yelled at me. I turned back to Sorah, smiled, blew her a kiss, and trodded away from her.
Little did I know that those would be the last words I would ever hear her say. But oh how they were so typically Sorah.
I love you, too.
