Last night after dinner, my mother and I walked out of the restaurant and towards my car. Two gay guys, one of which I recognize from the kickball community, watched my mother and I from within the restaurant as we reached our car. I didn't notice until I got into the driver's seat that the two guys were pointing at and laughing at my obese mother: struggling with her cane to walk and then struggling to get into the car. I brushed it off and looked away, but as my mother tried to slowly shift her more than 300lbs weight and step down into my tiny Smart Car, I could see the guys really hooping, hollering, pointing, and getting a kick out of very blatantly laughing and making fun of my mother: a fat person struggling to shove herself into my minuscule clown car.
This experience broke my heart. Maybe because I didn't do anything or say anything. Maybe because I felt too weak to just go in and beat the fuck out of them for disgracing my mama lioness. But probably more so that people can just be so very cruel.
My mom never even noticed. Not the guys making fun of her or her son silently crying to himself on the way home. At this point, she still doesn't know that she was just made a public mockery by two guys at Swingers. I thought horrible thoughts on the drive home questioning myself as to what I could have done differently to have avoided this situation: if I drove a bigger car, maybe they wouldn't have noticed. If I would have been there more for my mom versus galavanting all over the world in the past, maybe she wouldn't have been so depressed to have digressed to this state of her health. But neither were actually the case...
I know the two aren't correlated and--unlike Paris in which I lived and still have friends and family there--I really have no personal connection to the atrocities in Belgium (other than the heartbreak and sorrow I feel for those involved)...but I did get a very sick feeling in my stomach that yesterday the world was mourning over another senseless act of violence while these two jackass, assholes worlds away also lacked compassion or human connection so much that they didn't see anything wrong with not trying to be better people yesterday.
I moved my mother out to Cali because I want to help her live better. I want to see her get healthier and live the longest life she can possibly live. And I want to see her happier. So far, I believe it's working. And a woman who was so set in her ways and comfortable has stepped off of the proverbial cliff and into an abyss of change that is Los Angeles. Am I proud of my mom? Yes. At 64, change isn't easy. Neither is heartache. But this is a person trying to change her life and trying to live better. So shouldn't that be applauded versus ridiculed? Then again, as I say in my first book: "you never really know someone until you've walked a kilometer in their stilettos..."
Obviously this whole situation of the guys mocking my mum is still bothering me or I wouldn't put it out there publicly, but I want to turn this situation into a good one. I get that my mom is overweight and morbidly obese. I get that she did this to herself. But does this make her ugly or something so less of a person that she should be treated with nothing but ridicule? Aren't we as human beings better than this shit?
I would never say that I am innocent of mocking people and joking around with people. I too have been called a mean girl. But I don't ever want to be like that again. The reality is people point at and make fun of the weaknesses of other people that they see in themselves. And until it happens to you, it is difficult to see just how awfully put downs and words/actions of negativity hurt. In a day and age where reckless hate and killing has become so rampant, isn't it so much easier to stop the h8 and spread some love? Maybe I'm just a softy. Maybe I'm just a dreamer. But I can't be the only one.
Call your mom today. Tell her you love her. Call the people near and dear to you today. Reach out. Find joy in small things and experiences and trumpet them verses bringing yourself and people around you down. I'm going to do the same. A little love can go a very long way in changing the world. And remember that this life is so fucking short. So do it today: it might be your last.
ALL MY LUV!
ALL MY LUV!
