#Gayting
A few months ago when I had that shit-storm of a mess go down between an ex-lover and ex-friend, I was slapped in the face with the comment that said ex and I had "never actually dated," according to this person that had several times claimed to be my bestie.
This statement really threw me off-kilter. Did my involvement with this person and the connection that we felt for each other really not constitute as "dating?" And if that was the case, then do I really know what it means to "date" someone? Was the friendship that I cherished really just based on lies and deceit? Or am I just an awful judge of character and completely oblivious to ongoings around me? I realize now that this utterance came out at a moment and was just a nasty thing to throw in someone's face when they were trying to justify an illicit affair and betrayal. That the moments I had had with this person were real and the feelings I felt were valid.
But it still made me question the world that is gayting. What is dating in 2014 in the gay world? The stereotype of lesbians defines dating as a single dinner followed by sex after, followed by a move-in date three days to a week later. But between two men, who are carnally, biologically designed to breed and fuck our brains out, is dating really even possible? What exactly defines "dating" between two gay guys? When do two guys stop casually sleeping together and hanging out in a definition-less stage and graduate to becoming boyfriends?
I really don't know the answer to any of these questions.
Because we are still men, sex and sexual compatibility is one of the most important aspects of gay relationships. Two guys fucking each other need to be in sync with one another to really bond and connect as lovers. But so much more goes into dating than just the physicality. It really is about the connection you have with the person.
The only answer I have is that my emotions and the emotions you feel are real. We are valid. Just because someone doesn't share your values, feelings, or ideals of what relationships--personal, professional, and romantic--can be, doesn't mean that there isn't someone else out there who feels exactly the way you do. There is a solace in knowing I'll find a love in a hopeful place. Until then, it's back to the gayting pool. I'm divin' in.
