A Formal Start

The Normal Heart premiered on Sunday and I have since watched the film twice.



I find it to be a very moving, hilarious at times, and gutwrenchingly, terribly horrific. The directing is very good and the performances are completely stellar. Julia Roberts gives the performance of her career. Jim Parsons slays us with his humor and brutal honesty about hatred towards gays. Matt Bomer and Taylor Kitsch brought me to tears. And Mark Ruffalo? His performance of Ned Weeks was jaw dropping. Hilarious. Shocking. And without a doubt inspirational. I loved his character and the fighting spirit he embodied. In fact, I see a lot of myself in Ned Weeks/Larry Kramer.





I think it is high time we start having more conversations about HIV and AIDS in this country. 30 years after the initial outbreak of the Virus, 36 Million people worldwide today are infected. 30 Million have died. Why do we still not have a cure or a vaccine?

A lot of information and misinformation has gone around the interwebs about PrEP and ways to prevent exposure to HIV and these are advancements that need to be looked at, studied, and executed by all of us.

I plan on getting a lot more involved in the activist side of fighting HIV and anti HIV stigma.



And I hope you do too. The tag line for the movie is "To Win a war, you have to start one."

Let the battle begin.

Everything has a rhythm

Hello dear readers-

I'm sorry it has been a while. A lot has gone down in my life recently, dear readers.

I really must think of something to call you guys. Anne Rice has her "People of the Page". Kylie has her "Lovers". Coco Peru has her "Coco Puffs". Poppy Fields has her "Pop Tarts".

Maybe I'll just start referring to you- my darling, dearly devoted audience- as Luvers. 

Because that's what you are to me: my loves and the reason why I keep this blog going. I'm still so very grateful that I've been able to share my voice with each and every one of you. It's coming up on a year and nearly 20K views on my blog, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for this and my books.

In Koelen's world things are just beginning to calm down. A lot of exciting highs and very low lows have surrounded me these last few weeks. 

I've been working like a prossie in heat trying to save up and take my mama to Paris in the fall. As she is a larger woman, we will need three seats, not just two, and that means dropping money for three tickets. Not cheap- but oh so worth the memories. I've dreamt of returning to Paris since I lived there and have envisioned for years taking my mom to France.

We saw marriage victories in both Oregon and Pennsylvania in the last few weeks with equality prevailing as neither state will be challenging their respective judge's rulings.

Two days ago we saw the fall of Maya Angelou. She was such an inspiration and hero to me as a writer and civil rights activist. I'm deeply saddened by the loss of Maya and plan on revisiting her works for my own personal advancement. If you've never read Maya Angelou, you must step away from your computers and iPhones this second and go read her. My favourite quote:

"Everything in the universe has a rhythm. Everything dances."

In other news, I'm just going through personal changes and drama with people I thought respected me better than to treat me the way that I have been treated. It's been hard dealing with some recent betrayals and just overall lack of consideration of me and my feelings. Respect is the single biggest factor to me in a friendship/ relationship and a deal breaker if it isn't present. We should all know by now how you should treat a person and that involves sometimes putting other's emotions and needs over your own. Some people just don't see it that way.

What I find upsetting is the realization that I might end up being very isolated later in life. I've had many friends come and go and many family members come and go. It's true that these people always meander their way back into my life. But the question is:

How long will I be willing to put up with it all?

Maya Angelou was famous for saying:

"If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

Sounds like great advice.

AIDS Lifecycle: Ride Even, Ride!

Heroes don't always wear masks and battle bad guys. Nope, the real heroes are those around us in everyday life who fight and strive to make a difference in this world and in other people's lives.

My current hero? My dear friend Even Fable.

Even doesn't wear a cape (often) nor fly through the sky faster than a speeding bullet. Nope. He's a human and a man who has spent nearly a third of his life fighting for a cause we both believe in:

The battle to end HIV/AIDS.

 Every year, Even and 2200+ other bike riders cycle from San Francisco to the City of Angels in AIDS Lifecycle- a joint fundraising venture between the Gay and Lesbian center of Los Angeles and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. 

Each year for the last 13 years riders individually raise thousands of dollars to take part in the ride. This will be Even's 11th ALC ride. He's individually raised over $100,000 through his decade plus of riding in AIDS Lifecycle. This is not an easy feat- it takes months of training, hard physical endurance, hundreds of dollars of personal money in equipment upkeep, repairs, etc., and lots of time fundraising to make the journey happen every year.

"It’s easy to think that HIV/AIDS is no longer a problem. Medications have come a long way, and people are living longer, healthier lives. This is why the work of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is so vital. These agencies continue to provide the critical services and education needed to meet the growing needs of our community. We ride to raise awareness and knowledge about HIV/AIDS among participants, their donors, and the general public. We ride because—in the current economy—our agencies need these funds more than ever. Ultimately, we ride so that someday, we won’t have to."

I am so proud of his efforts and would love for Even's ALC ride this year to be his best fundraising year ever! He just made his goal of $10,000, but can we help send him on his way with more?

To donate to his ride, please visit EVEN FABLE's fundraising page at:

 http://www.tofighthiv.org/goto/even2015

Or go to www.tofighthiv.org rider #1667

AIDS and HIV have not gone away. This is a disease that affects us all. Nearly 40 million people have died of AIDS and there are currently 151,000 people in California alone living with HIV.  The San Francisco AIDS Foundation and LA LGBT Center offer countless amounts of services--often free of charge for those who cannot afford it. AIDS Lifecycle helps keep these services--including access to medicine and care--available to everyone through the efforts of the Gay and Lesbian Center of Los Angeles and SF AIDS Foundation.

Together, we can fight this virus. Please donate today. I did. Will you? Thank you. 

Late night aMUSEings

Today is one of my best friend's birthdays as well as my god niece Hadley's birthday. One of them is in Seattle while another of them is in St. Louis.

 Talking to my best friend tonight made me a little sad: why have I not found a publisher, published my book, won a series of awards and a spot on the best sellers list so that I can pay to see the people I love all the time?!? Why why why?

Seriously, my dreams are getting published and making just enough money off of my humorous short story writing that I can afford to travel all the time. That's it. No mansion. No Lamborghini. Just a passport and adventure. Maybe also some red wine...

Seriously tho- when I think about it, I have friends on 5 continents. I've met them through my friends, traveling, studying abroad, through couchsurfing, and through my own adventures. One day, I would seriously love to have all my friends together in one room.

Now that would truly make me happy.

Good night world. 

The gayest day in history

Sheesh- when did the world get so gay? Or accepting?

I feel like today is the gayest day in history- or at least the most accepting, progressive day I have seen in a long time.

Same sex marriages began in Arkansas today- a first for the state and the United States' South. As of yet- NO APPEAL HAS BEEN ASKED FOR BY THE STATE!!!



The first was marriage was for the plaintiffs Kristin Seaton, 27, and Jennifer Rambo, 26 in the case that struck down Arkansas' marriage ban yesterday. What a beautiful and radiant couple these two ladies are! I expect to see the gay media using them as a model for happy, gorgeous gay couples soon!

Then Conchita Wurst won Eurovision two hours ago. If you do not know who that is, Conchita is a famous drag queen/performer from Austria and has gained world wide attention for being a drag queen- IN A BEARD! Her song, "Rise Like a Phoenix" is also a fab anthem song that I cannot wait to hear get remixed for the summer! A stellar song sung by a fantastic artist!



And lastly, Michael Sam- the first openly gay college football player- was drafted by the St. Louis Rams today. Espn showed the moment he received the phone call and even aired a kiss between Sam and his Boyfriend on NATIONAL TV. A first for ESPN and our country. The United States now has an openly gay NFL player! Snaps for Michael Sam!



What a great day for acceptance! I couldn't be happier for all parties involved.

To watch Conchita's amazing performance, copy and paste the link below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaolVEJEjV4

#Arkansas

Fab news coming out of Arkansas as a district judge just struck down Arkansas' marriage equality ban.



In the ruling, Judge Chris Piazza of Pulaski County, Arkansas wrote, “It has been over forty years since Mildred Loving was given the right to marry the person of her choice. The hatred and fears have long since vanished and she and her husband lived full lives together; so it will be for the same-sex couples. It is time to let that beacon of freedom shine brighter on all our brothers and sisters. We will be stronger for it.”



Though Attorney General of the state Dustin McDaniel is publicly for lgbt equal rights and marriage equality, he has sworn to stand by the marriage equality ban in in court as this new case and a separate other federal case against Arkansas' ban work their way up the courts.



We shall see what comes about with both cases.

To contact McDaniel and try to win him over, here is his contact info:

(501) 682-2007

Parisian Dreams

Work work work! Like in 2013, May of this year is turning out to be packed with events and work. 

Last year at this time, I worked 19 events during the month of May and saved enough money to be able to afford going to Berlin last summer.

Well, this year is my 5 year anniversary of studying abroad in Londontown and gay Paris, so I have visions of grandeur of returning to the city of lights this fall.

J'adore France, French peops, French food, French shopping, and especially French men! C'est magnifique!

This May I plan on slaving like a whore to not only take myself but also my mum to Paris.

Can I do it? Can I save enough and make enough for my dream of Paris to become a reality?!?

Stay tuned...

Monday Mayo in 'Murica

God bless the USA! Only in America would we celebrate a holiday in which 95% of us havent the foggiest fucking clue as to why we celebrate it!

Was it for Mexican Independence? Texas' freedom? A martyred hero? Love? Shamrocks? Corona Lights?!?!

Who the hell knows and who the hell cares? It's Cinco de Drinko and us Yanks can toss em back like Aussie's in heat and Germans invading. Any time you give our repressed nation a reason to get crazy, we soak it up like a Protestant sponge and run with it.



(I'm in a good mood because for the first time in weeks, I did not wake up with a migraine this morning. I must admit taking time away from my blog due to this pain and lack of ability to concentrate- and for that, I apologize. I'm in talks now about going to see a specialist for my headaches, and hopefully my writing will no longer have any further interruptions. I'm riding a wave of creative energy at the moment and I must share it with the world!)

I had more than one reason to celebrate this weekend. My friend Danny came to visit and we had a lervly weekend of poolside yumminess, drinks, dancing, and all around debauchery. Fuck kids- I really miss that guy. #partnerincrime #foreal



I was saddened that I am not yet a Fitzgerald, Sedaris, or Rockefeller at the moment and was unable to whisk myself off to the GLAAD Media Awards in New York City this past weekend. My most favouritest celeb and singer #Kylie Minogue was there and performed- get this- LIVE and A CAPELLA with the audience!!! No sets, no costumes, no back up dancers, NOTHING. Other than the crowd and KYLIE!!! She even got danced on a table top!!!!!!!!!!



I had my self a little accident in my undies upon seeing the greatest pop star on earth OWN it! It might be tres gay, but I dont care. I love her. I love that I got to see Danny this weekend. I love that I got to work and made some money this weekend. I'm grateful my headache is gone today and here I am alive, well, and able to write again!

Happy Cinco de Mayo e'ryone! Cheers indeed!!!

Texas' Marriage Ban struck down. Again.

Today, Texas' marriage equality ban was struck down today by a district judge in San Antonio.

...So divorce proceedings involving a lesbian couple can, well, proceed.

That's all I have to say about that.

#Dontmesswithtexas

#Team Ryan

Two Snaps for Ryan Lewis!

Ryan is not only the music producer and half of duo Macklemore, he just scored at the top of my list for which of the pair is the sexiest!

(I may have been Macklemore for Halloween, but Ryan Lewis takes the cake. Maybe because he reminds me of someone I'm currently dating.)

Ryan came out yesterday in an interview with his mum announcing that she has survived being HIV+ for 30 years. She was diagnosed in 1984 after receiving positive blood during a transfusion while giving birth to Lewis' older sister. In conjunction with the announcement, Lewis also introduced the 30/30 Project -a non profit he started with his mother and Macklemore to provide affordible healthcare worldwide.

I heart me some Ryan Lewis and Macklemore. Their music is most certainly over played, but I feel that they have always tried to use their celebrity status for good causes.

You can donate to the 30/30 project here:

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/30-30-project-macklemore-ryan-lewis#home

Put a needle in it!

I've struggled with headaches all of my adult life. These last two weeks I've had a consistent, mild migraine that has kept me from writing, overly working, and has diminished my overall quality of life. So I decided to put a needle in it. 

No not like heroin, you crazy kids! 

Acupuncture!!! :

Thanks to my final, reluctant joining of Obamacare, I'm now paying a huge premium that I intend on milking like a prostate in order to feel like I'm getting my money's worth. When I found out that I qualify for free acupuncture treatment a block from my house, my healthcare frown suddenly turned upside down.

I was inspired by my sister Jami -who suffers from migraines and poor arch support in her feet- getting acupuncture to deal with her ailments. I have long been a firm believer in Eastern medicine, and because I suffer mildly from both myself, I thought I would give acupuncture a try. 

After my 4th session, I feel like I'm hooked. I'm sleeping better, my headaches have been alleviated, and I'm dealing with aches and pains in ways I never knew possible. 

I really enjoy both the acupuncture and the cupping that comes with it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I most certainly do not mean "cupping" in reference to grabbing your junk. Cupping is the suctioning of heated jars and cups to your flesh in order to draw out toxins. Like below:

Hopefully I will be able to continue on my path to a better, healthier me. It seems like acupuncture has become a new bit of therapy for me. I'll write more later as my journey of having needles shoved into my flesh and enflamed glass containers suctioned onto me continues!

It's My Birthday and I'll laugh if I want to!

One score and 12 years ago, my poor mother brought forth on this day a child unto this world: me. 

When she shat me out at 1:10 in the morning on April 16, 1982, I bet she hadn't the slightest indication of the man that I would eventually become today, but I hope I have made her proud.

32 is an interesting year to be turning. I haven't beaten Jesus yet, but I'm still completely an adult: liable for my own life and decisions, responsible for my actions, and held accountable for my words. 

Being a 32 year old means there is no turning back- no return escape to our adolescence. 32 means stepping out into the blue and really owning who you are as a person and what you are capable of. I've realized over the last few years that I am fed up with trying to be the person that people want me to be and I'm ready to accept my own individuality and the destiny that is mine.

I've got some exciting things coming up as I transcend into a new year:

*My book will be published this year, whether or not I find a publisher to do it for me or whether I publish it myself. I've reshaped and renamed my first book/collection Dancing in My Underwear. It will feature two brand new stories that make it a much more complete literary journey.

*I'm excited to announce that I'm almost halfway through completing my second collection of short stories Volume Two. I hope to have it finished within the coming months so I can also have it published and can begin my third book.

*Perhaps my most exciting announcement is the purchase and launch of my own website domain www.koelen.net. Though still under construction, I will be slowly transferring my pics, art, music, videos, blog, and book info all to one website: koelen.net! This was my birthday present to myself and I can't wait until the site is fully operational.

*I plan to launch Xavier's Bill in the following months. Xavier's Bill is my proposed Proposition to amend California's constitution to allow for ferret legalization. I do this for my brave ferret son Xavier whose current battle with cancer inspired me to finally push for ferret legalization in my state. If one person can change the law in their state, it might also inspire others to become more active in their government.

*Thanks to my friend Kevin giving me the opportunity to sing a solo last week, my interest in music and singing has been rekindled and will once again become a key feature of my life. 

*Friends and family will be a strong focus of mine this year.

*This will continue to be my year of health and I will continue to actively pursue living the healthiest I can be.

Every birthday for the last 5 years, I have thrown a party with my friends for my friends. This year, I'm keeping it low key. While I love throwing parties, I've also realized I love just being me. So this year, I'm taking time out to just be myself and do the things that make me happy.

No more stress. Just life. To 32! #intotheblue

#Ohio

Ohio entered into a new phase of equality today as a federal judge added the state to a lengthening list of states that do not have full marriage equality but must recognize marriages from out of state.

In a 45 page ruling issued today, Federal Judge Timothy Black called Ohio’s refusal to recognize gay marriage a violation of constitutional rights and “unenforceable in all circumstances.”

“The record before this court ... is staggeringly devoid of any legitimate justification for the state’s ongoing arbitrary discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation,” Black wrote. Black was appointed as Federal Judge by President Barack Obama.

Both the Governor and Attorney General of Ohip will challenge Black's ruling.

Ohio joins neighbors Kentucky and Tennessee- two states where federal judges have also ruled that their state bans on recognizing marriages in other states are unconstitutional. Federal judges in the last 4 months have also struck down state bans in Texas, Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, and Michigan.

Though Black did not enforce a stay with his decision, he did order that the 4 couples who are plaintiffs in the case have their out of state marriages recognized immediately.

Oral arguments in the Utah case began last Thursday, guranteeing it a front runner position to head to the US Supreme Court.

Happy Anniversary Iowa

A little more than 5 years ago, on April 3, 2009, the Supreme Court of Iowa unanimously voted to make marriage equality legal in the Hawkeye state.

5 years later, the world hasn't imploded. And the state of Iowa is doing just fine.

Kansas? Missouri? Neighbors on all sides of you have marriage equality now...

This map from 2009 shows just how far we have come since Iowa, but how much further we still have to go!

England is so gay!

Full marriage equality arrived today in the motherland!

Lgbtqiatuvxyz people are now able to wed in jolly old England. 

Signed last summer by the Queen while sealed and delivered by Prime Minister David Cameron, the law officially lifted the ban England had on marriages starting today. 

Cheers to our lovely mum Britain for helping set an example to the Commonwealth and the world. 

(Though you did let France beat you with this one, you are still beating out Deutschland, so that is something. :) )

Hopefully America and Australia will use your country as an example and progress on our own.

Tom Daley- I know you are 4, but now we can legally wed. 

Just putting it out there, prince Harry. Just puttin it out there!

Daniel Craig? Shaken, not stirred.

Malaysia flight/ Histories Mysteries

Apparently the Malaysian Prime Minister has just announced that the flight that has been missing since March 8th crashed into the Indian Ocean and they have satellite data to prove it.

Was I the only one that was kinda secretly wishing that someone had actually hijacked Malaysian flight MH370 so that there might possibly still be signs of life?



I really had hoped that they had been taken to some abandoned Maldivian air base and were being held captive.

May those lost RIP and their families and friends finally have answers to such an awful tragedy.

Such a loss.