Halloween Whore Nights

   In my quest to celebrate and have a fully well rounded, but inexpensive Halloween, I just tonight purchased a $2.99 pumpkin from Trader Joes and am watching scary movies.

  Tonight's horror film is John Carpenter's Christine. Why they haven't remade this movie since it's release in 1983 is beyond me.  Either way, it holds its own as being a creepy, original movie and makes me really miss the 1980s and Stephen King books.

Happy Halloween! 

TTFN~ Ta Ta for Now!

Album of the summer? The winner goes to...

ELECTRIC by THE PET SHOP BOYS

I was Bolshy-ing my ass down the streets of Berlin like it was a land of dreams to this incredibly amazing album. Prague showed me Love like it was a Bourgeois Construct... I crushed the streets of L.A. this summer, with this soundtrack blaring its vocal axis in my ears: shouting in the evening like I was a fluorescent Thursday...or just the last to die...for our mistakes!

This is Koelen's official recommendation for not only album of the summer, but one of the best of the year!

The Walk Of Shame!!

It's October 7th and my 100th Blog entry~!!!

For my 100th entry, I wanted to write about something very important:


It happens all of a sudden. You're out with your budskies and you have a chance encounter with a total superman hottie. Things escalate as the night progresses and pretty soon, you're back at the guy's place hooking up with him.

Flash forward to the next morning...or...the next day...or...later on that night...or...even 20 minutes later when you snap into the realization of what you just did and decide to get outta there faster than a gazelle on the Serengeti!!!

However much later it is, the journey home is never cute. At this point, you're the Hot Mess Express and you're train just left the station: homeward bound. For some reason, you feel like strangers passing on the street automatically know that you just had sex and are being judged for it. That any encounter you face on the quest to su casa must be dealt with like a vampire to sunlight. You are wearing clothes that are either wrinkled from being tossed on the floor, ripped in the heat of passion, stained/soiled for...well...I won't go there, or just simply the clothes you had on the night before. With makeup smeared on le ladies and roll-in-the-hay bed hair on guys, sometimes after just doing the nasty you are just a disheveled, disoriented state of affairs. Especially if that means you have to pick up the pieces of your life and take your sorry ass home.

How bad can the walk of shame really be?

My thoughts are this:

if you come home shirtless, with your belt unbuckled, carrying your shoes in one hand and your wet/stained underwear in the other, then you really must've just done something truly shameful.

And I love you for it, you hot Los Angeles mess!

#walkofshame

The hills are alive with the sound of MUSIC

This was my facebook post yesterday. I was so moved by what happened, I thought I would share with you today:

You wanna know something I love? Anytime someone gets behind a piano and starts playing, even if no one was previously in the room, the sound of the music draws people to it. Even in 2013, people will still stop what they are doing and listen. Together. Just standing there, listening, and appreciating the art that surrounds them.

Take that modern technology!

SLUMlord Millionaire

Anyone else live in an apartment with a slum lord?

I live in a great apartment in the heart of Stepford, and yet I constantly am dealing with the poor decisions of a slumlord corporation and their shenanigans.

Every time I put in a work order in the 4.5 years that I have lived here, something goes wrong. Typically I wait 3 weeks before hearing back from anyone. Carol, the cunt faced demon whore who runs the office and maintenance at Holley Property Management, some how always manages to fuck things up so bad that I get into screaming confrontations on the phone with her.

More than 8 times I have called for plumbing issues or window issues. She's say to me (short and rudely, I might add):

"I'll have the maintenance guys call you." Or "I'll have the plumber call you"

And then they never call. Nope. They just bang on my door at 7 am with a work order that I never approved, nor signed off on. Or they burst into my apartment when I'm laying on my couch masturbating without any previous notice given to me that they were even coming.

If it was the first time or 3rd time, I might understand.

Yesterday, I called at 12 noon. Told them about my plumbing issues: my bathtub water is running constantly and has been for 2 weeks. (I've only waited it out this long to call them because every time I call them, something shitty happens like them sending Illegal aliens here to my house who "fix" the problem, leave my room trashed with dirt and plumbing stuff, and then do such a bad job that the bathtub needs to be refixed 8 months later.)

Cunty Carol says: "Ok I'll have the plumber call you." Thinking it would be another 3 weeks before I ever saw the light of day of a plumber at my door, I thanked her and got off the phone. Of course it being 12 noon, I don't understand why they just didn't call me back that day. But whatever. No matter.

So at 7 am this morning I'm awoken outta my bed at a banging on my door. Hard. When I asked who was banging on my door, he told me it was the plumber. I told him I didn't have a work order. Even still, I begrudgingly let him inside my house then called my apartment manager office and got Carol. I said who I was and asked if it was her I spoke to yesterday. It was.

"Ok Carol, then I kind of don't understand why you told me you were going to have them call me before just showing up."

Instead of doing what a normal person in the SERVICE industry, like this bitch is, woulda done like said: "oh im so sorry", she decided to go into turbo bitch mode:

"What? I told you I'd put in a work order." In a tone as snatchy as the day is blue.

So I say to her:

"I kind of don't get what you don't understand about giving me notice and communicating..."

(She didn't let me finish) "What? I did communicate! I don't have to listen to this. I don't have time and I'm gonna hang up if..."

"What? Are you kidding me? I was sleeping and then get woken up by..."

"You put in a work order. Deal with it."

That's when I lose my shit: "No you OBVIOUSLY did NOT COMMUNICATE and If you would LEARN TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB INSTEAD OF BEING SUCH A GODDAMNED BITCH ALL THE TIME, THIS WOULDNT HAPPEN. YOU DON'T JUST SEND WORKERS TO SOMEONE'S HOUSE WILLY NILLY, YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

And that's when we both hung up. Yes, I did lose my shit and go off on her. Had this been her first, second, even 4th time at the rodeo, I woulda went easier on her. But it wasn't. This is how she handles situations and she needs to be fired. Kind of like the federal government: if you suck that bad at your job, maybe you shouldn't have your job anymore.

I also love that any work order takes forever to process with me, but this one: my leaking bathtub which is costing them money in water billage, gets handled with a dramatic urgency. Never have I ever received a worker THE DAY after calling a maintenance issue in.

How would you like an unexpected plumber stranger banging on your door at 7 am?

Any ideas of what I can do? I'm going to write the city now and complain about her/them. What about the better business bureau?

Therapy

Since I'm destined to be the next Carrie Bradshaw meets David Sedaris love child, I've been inclined to share a lot recently about my life on this blog.

And who knows if anyone is actually listening?

Is anyone really out there?


If anyone actually does follow this blog, I have something to confide in you: I had my first night of therapy today. I say therapy, but really I think the term counseling sounds less threatening and certainly less stygmatizing- if that is even a word.

I'm still in the moment right after meeting with my new counselor. It's a brand new feeling because I have never sought out help or advice before. I went looking for someone to talk to because I have, for the first time in my life, been dealing with a depression. A feeling of abandonment and loss. A feeling of fear and lack of love for myself. Questioning my self worth. I have never felt so mentally low in all my 31 years on this earth and I only partially know what's wrong with me. For the most part, I've just been sad over several recent dramatic changes and upsets in my life.

So I decided I don't want to live the way I have lived the last few months. Even the last few years. I can't mask my problems with excuses anymore and can no longer do things that don't make me happy.

It is actually a sigh of relief knowing that I now have an exterior person that I can go talk to who's only perception of me will be what I confide in him. This sounds like I would refrain from revealing my past or upsetting factors of my life, but; to the contrary if our first meeting was any indication of how I will handle my therapy. I had several moments that I painfully cried through tonight. I have every intention on confiding everything to him. My pandora box is going to get opened by me. I sought out counseling because I want to get better. I want to talk about what bothers me and no longer hold secrets or pent up feelings.

And I'm taking a step forward to recover from my past mistakes. I'm no longer a child and have got myself to depend on to help myself out of the state I'm in now.

All of this sounds emotional, and it is.


So if I really have started developing a readership amongst you, I hope you are ready for a wild and often bumpy ride when reading my blog. It's gonna be no-holds barred and full on- just the way my life has been and just how I want it to be.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your final destination. As you are well aware, my baggage may have shifted upon takeoff...

Otherwise, welcome back Koelen.

Folsom at its Freakiest 2013

What happens in San Francisco never stays in San Francisco...

OKTOBER 1

Though I'm sad to see the summer go, October is most definitely my favourite month of the year! And it's been a great day, too:

*I found out that I was deemed 100% innocent today for the accident I was involved in nearly two weeks ago. A just verdict considering an asshole came into my lane and side swiped me. That check will be coming soon.

*Today was pay day, which is always a good day.

*I returned some items and was able to purchase my third dress suit that I have ever owned. I'm really a grown up man now!

*I also bought a new shirt for work.

*I got booked on an event for tomorrow.

*I'm able to finally begin planning my return to Europe in November. With my trip being a month an a half away, it's time to start figuring out where in Spain and Italy I will be traveling to and how long I will be staying in each place.

Any suggestions on where I should go? I'm thinking I will visit Sitges while in Barcelona and then will travel onward to Venice and Rome.

*ALL 5 SEASONS OF ABFAB WERE RELEASED ON HULU PLUS TODAY!!! I DIE, SWEETIE DAHLING!!!!

*Most of all, October 1 is a great day because it's the start of Halloween month. I love me some Halloween and the craziness, spookiness, parties, events, scary movies, anarchy, and debauchery that goes with it. Halloween will always be my favourite holiday!

People are so fucking stupid. READ! EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!

Have any of you actually read the law that is Obamacare? Didn't think so. Which is pretty much on par with the 60 Senators that signed it into law.

Yet everyone here is so willing to jump down the throats of Republicans for today's events, ignoring the fact that the Democrats wouldnt compromise either.

Why don't we all start actually EDUCATING ourselves instead of listening what the media will tell us?!?

ME for instance: I work as an independent contractor. My work doesn't supply me with health insurance. My premiums starting in january will be $189-$322 per month. Or I could take the penalty for not having it at all, but doesnt taking the penalty deplete the purpose of pretending to call it universal health care? HOW MANY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE JUST LIKE ME? Can you re-allocate $300 a month for yourselves?!?

So either I pay for it, or the government pays for it. But if the government pays for it, that is even more debt to our accumulated pile of money owed.

Companies, to be able to afford this new law, are laying people off and shrinking work schedules to part time to be able to PAY for this healthcare. Oh and the 2 TRILLION dollars its costing us and you are mad that Republicans "shut down the government" for not raising our debt ceiling again?

Wake up people and READ!!!! Obama and this healthcare plan is not that great. Many of us, 30 million to be exact, so one in 12 (roughly), will NOT have viable access to healthcare under this law!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE.

HAVE YOU GONE AND CALCULATED WHAT IT WILL COST YOU PER MONTH BEFORE WITCH HUNTING THE REPUBLICANS? didnt think so, either...

The only way we can ever fix this problem is to stop voting for incumbents. In fact, it would be great if we could start over with a brand new government where term limits would be in place in my book.

I left my heart in San Francisco

Good Evening Angels-

Yes, I'm back in the city of dreams! I missed you, LALALAnd.

But I most certainly had a blast in San Francisco: It's such a magical place and, in my humble opinion, the prettiest city in America.

Folsom was crazzzzy, the people were amazing, the food was delicious, the weather was perfect and overall- our time there was short but amazing!

Ich liebe dich San Francisco and all my luv to everyone out there reading this!

Packing for Folsom and San Francisco

When you get home from work after a 15 hour work day, a great way to unwind is drinking red wine. A glass, as they say, is now good for you, so I've taken that to heart. Literally.

Since I leave for San Francisco tomorrow, I'm polishing off my first glass and packing my life into the realization of the fact that I'm only really going to be there for 43 hours! I figure I'd start with everything and rape and pillage it down to the bare essentials so I'm not schlepping my bling over hill and dale in the City by the Bay.

Not quite an underwear dance party, but close enough.

#SanFrancisco #events #redredwine #excited

#packedeverythingbutthekitchensink #fashionista

Is it too much?

Fierce Friday Feelings for San Francisco

Sure I might be managing a 14 hour event today, but my mind can't get off of the fact that I'm returning to the best city in North America tomorrow:

San Francisco!!!

Rarely does my Europe-loving ass dote upon an American metropolis, but The City by the Bay is not just any city!

There's just something magical about SF: the cable cars, the Castro, the wharf, the Golden Gate, and all them damn hills help give this city something that few others have on our continent: character and iconic imagery.

I'm excited to return to San Francisco tomorrow and can't wait for the adventures this weekend will bring!

Stuck between a Russia and a hard place

So of course my crazy ass booked a second trip to Europe in November to Italy flying through MOSCOW, RUSSIA. As anyone who reads the paper will know, Russia ain't cute with le gays as of late.

And as a gay man and activist, I know it seems insane to go to a country who has taken such a hateful stance against me and my people.

But the way I looked at it is Moscow would be a 22 hour layover of me dipping into their country as an undercover "straight" agent. I'd see Red Square, the river, the Kremlin, take a shot of Vodka off of a sword, eat some Caviar, and dip out. Head onward to Italia. No one the wiser.

But the problems with Russia don't stop NOR start at their anti-gay stance. You see, Americans MUST purchase a visa to even enter Russia on a layover! (Thanks a lot for telling me that, travelocity!) So much for the dippage.

This visa is only obtainable IN PERSON at a Consulate or the Embassy in only 5 locations in America, not including Los Angeles!!!

Here's the icing on the cake: I also have to be INVITED by an OFFICIAL into Russia before even being allowed to apply.

With all of these hoops, I was just gonna say "fuck it" and reschedule and or cancel my trip. However, I will be going to San Francisco this weekend and will only truly learn the total costs of the visa and the other requirements upon talking to Russian officials at their Embassy.

Yes children, after partying at Folsom, I'll be heading to the Russian Embassy for my visa!


Until then, I'm stuck between a Russia and a hard place...

X

The main man in my life:

Happy Tuesday!

It's Not a Rave, it's a happening!

It's not a rave, it's a happening!!!

One of my favourite scenes from my favourite show ever! I picture this is us in San Francisco next weekend! Erick Sanchez...you ready sweetie dahling?!?

"Thank you so much. I gotta go. Bye!"

"Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I gotta go. Bye!"

Best acceptance speech ever and you know the producers holding the stop watches loved her! What this girl said in 12 words...

#MerrittWever

Twerk it out Miley

Made you look!!!!

xoxo Gossip Girl

Donate $7000 to my parent's flight? NOPE!

What do you guys think of this gay couple asking for people to donate so that one of the guy's parents can fly in from Salt Lake City to South Africa to attend their wedding?

Yes, you heard me right:

In the days of Syria, Egypt, poverty across sub-Saharan Africa and more, these gays think it's appropriate to start a website asking people to donate to their over-the-top wedding. Yes, one is British and has family in South Africa, but couldn't they think of a more appropriate way to earn this money?

It's like saying "Hey, I know it's my birthday and I KNOW you are gonna give me presents, so instead of presents, donate here. Yes."

To an extent, I guess there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with what they are asking. But it certainly has raised some eye brows. As an event planner, I cannot help but wonder why they cannot do 2 ceremonies. Or why they all can't fly to the UK or America to get married. One should NEVER ASSUME that you are going to get gifts for any occasion and it is just RUDE to insinuate that a gift is required. Isn't it a gift enough for all of the other family members flying all the way to Africa? Isn't it enough that you are steroided outta yo heads and could probably earn that money modeling or just looking pretty? Further more, why don't they either elope or have a civil ceremony here in the States and then do two separate weddings on each continent?

I just think that in today's day and age, it is in poor taste to ask people to donate to flying their parents out to South Africa. And for $7000? I could fly around the world for much, much less. Since I leave the country several times a year, I DO know what I'm talking about.

I mean, I am trying to get my book published. Should I start a website or kickstarter that is "Help me get my book published so I don't have to deal with the drama of finding a publisher and getting a lit agent"?

Or this one is really my favourite. What about starting a website like this:

My birthday is coming up in April and I really want to go to Paris and Berlin in the summer of 2014 to celebrate. I think Ill start a website where, instead of gifts for my birthday, you can donate to my cause of just wanting to go to Berlin and Paris next summer. No need for gifts. Donate what you can. Oh Syria? Oh Sudan? Oh Egypt? Oh...well do they have birthdays, like me, coming up in April? I didn't think so.
.com


Whatdya guys think? Comments welcome!

(here is a link to this atrocious request: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache%3AmUEDX_O5mBUJ%3Awww.gofundme.com%2F4delv8+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us )

Thank GOD we're in a Smartcar (complete video)

Kudos to Even Fable and Tom Guastavino for filming!

check out our full Amazing Race audition video on my youtube:

youtube.com/koelen

thank GOD I Drive a Smartcar!

Thrift Shop Tag Poppin'

What's crazy to me, being an Angeleno, is seeing women with $4000 Louies or $3000 Dolce and Gabannas. I guess it represents that you can afford that price tag, but what's the point when there are thousands of people in LA that carry that name brand? Hundreds of thousands around the world. So your "couture" and "original" handbag is no longer either. I guess it's a status symbol kinda like driving over priced cars that no one can actually afford.


In high school back when Abercrombie was cool, I would try so hard to be able to afford their $28 t-shirts or their $60-$100 jeans. Obvio with minimum wage paying jobs, I couldn't afford what the other kids' parents were buying them and my mother refused to spend that much on clothes, ever.

Then I moved to Cali where Abercrombie was looked at as stupid and lame (compared to Hollister, which is Californian for Abercrombie and is now also stupid and lame) and so I felt like I had to scrap a lot of my wardrobe.

Around that time is when I met a cute boy whose fashion was the best and most unique I'd ever seen. He bought everything at second hand shops, thrift stores, and vintage stores. No one ever had the clothes that this guy had. They all fit perfectly and looked like a million bucks, too. He was the best dressed person I had ever seen in the flesh...

And then a lightbulb went off in my head...

Since 2002, I don't like malls and don't like name brands. Can't stand them, in fact. And no, it isn't just the prison style florescent lighting in most retail stores. It's just that these days I'm used to paying $1.50-$5 for a t-shirt that no one else will ever own, I can't imagine my days of a $30 t-shirt...let alone a $3000 purse. Or a $50 purse, even.

Maybe it was just that I was in college and poor, but I loved and still love second hand clothes shopping. These days, my best stores are Buffalo Exchange and Out of the Closet, which is a non profit who's proceeds benefit the AIDS Health Foundation here in SoCal. So nowadays I have an impeccable wardrobe that was built helping others. Not too shabby, eh?

Second hand clothes are not for everyone. Some people are grossed out by the concept of who wore the clothes before them. To me, I'm all about energy. I feel the energy of the people who owned these clothes before me and listen to their stories. And then I give the clothes new life as part of my closet collection. It's empowering to know that I'm walking, literally in someone else's shoes, and giving those shoes a new tale to tell.

Everything has a story. By poppin' tags at the thrift shop, I'm continuing that story and lookin' damn fine doing it!

TATTOO-ZY

So apparently this is the first Miss America pageant where tattoos are being shown on women's bodies and people are making a big deal of it.

To read the comments underneath some of the pictures online of the pageant you'd think these girls murdered their children in public with fishhooks:

"What happened to "purity" in women and a good positive role model for other young women? Why the tattoos and gestures that are not a positive symbol for other women?" -That was written as a comment online left by a WOMAN named Jennifer.

Since when is getting tattoos not "pure"? Since when is having a tattoo not a positive message for people?

As someone who personally has 8 tattoos below the belt, I find it ignorant and outdated to think that having tattoos is negative.

In fact, I look at most tattoos as one the longest commitments most people make in their entire lives!

Tattoos are most of my friends' longest relationships...
but i question if that's because they can't run screaming off the bodies they are imprinted onto....


***Shouldn't we be encouraging commitment in this digital age of non-commital, lacksidaisical apathy?***

Answer your FUCKING PHONE!!!

Why is it that the flakiest people seem to be the ones who are ALWAYS on their mobile phones?




By flaky, I mean the type of friends that will make plans with you at the beginning of the week, then come the day of said plans, flake out and initiate what I like to call radio silence:

They become completely unreachable by phone or text.

Because they know they have acted in a shitty matter, so they put their tails between their legs. Instead of admitting they did anything wrong, they punish ME by just not communicating at all. Making me feel like I'm the one that did something wrong. It has been 2 weeks now since a friend did exactly that: he flaked out on me and still hasn't grown the balls to try and make amends. If I didn't know from him constantly updating his Facebook with his mobile phone, I would think he was dead.

Because that's how much followthrough he has actually displayed.

These are the people that eat sleep shit and breathe with their smart phones. But if you have plans and you call said smart phone addict at 8pm and they don't answer, it is seriously hard to believe that they weren't right next to their phone or that they weren't just screening their calls. Or on their computers. Or connected to their phones/messaging through their computers!

"Oh, sorry I was in bed." Yes because all 20-30 somethings are in bed at 8 pm on a thursday night...

I am so sick in 2013 of having to deal with people that constantly look at the grass on the other side being greener.

Because that's the only thing I can think of. Friends tell me I am fun and crazy. Funny and smart. That I'm always going on some adventure. So I rarely think it is me or my plans that they are bailing on. Nope, they are just selfish and too childish to pick up the phone and flake out like an adult: too much of children to be honest and admit that they just aren't coming, nor are they interested.

If you don't want to go dancing, say something.

If you don't want to go to Folsom anymore, be a man: admit that you really never were going to San Francisco as a weekend to get away with friends, as we had originally talked about. Nope, you had alternative, preconceived plans of being a slut that weekend and it didn't really matter if your friends were going or not. Because in your mind, you already made up your own selfish agenda. Now you aren't speaking to me at all. You have a boyfriend now, so in your mind, you have no reason to go up to the Bay Area for Folsom anymore. It doesn't matter to you that 5 different friends were depending on you to go. Instead of stepping up and admitting this like a man, you passively flaked out on me and won't talk to me because you know that speaking with me will expose how much of a flake you really are. How truly selfish you can be. Which is really disappointing: I really thought you had what it takes to become an L.A. bestie.


I have the distinct pleasure (and misfortune) of having my best friends in states thousands of miles away from me. These friends are my rock. My salvation. I'm talking about you, Ariane! I'm writing about you, Janet! As a result of these long distance bonds, I am constantly searching for a bestie here in L.A. Yet, I have lived here in the city of Angels for off and on 11 years and have found no one that even comes close to my girls and the support system they provide for me. Because they are more than friends: they are family. If they miss a call from me, they feel like they are missing out on a part of their lives. As do I with them. When we talk it's like there was no time in between the last time we talked. We pick up where we last left off and continue our lives, thousands of miles apart. I feel the same. Despite more than 1700 miles between us, I am still closer to them than anyone in Los Angeles. They are my rock. They are my heart. They are my loves. We use the technology of 2013 to do the opposite of flaking: we keep in touch. All the time.

So I don't think it's me. If I'm able to maintain relationships with friends on 5 continents: oceans and miles and miles apart, I'm pretty sure that I'm keeping up with my end of the following through.

I guess I'm just sick of looking for my L.A. best friends. It seems like every time I get someone close to me in my life they end up being flaky. Am I just supposed to put up with it and turn the other way? Am I just supposed to accept that this is a bi-product of 2013 and the smart phone generation? I don't think so.



I have no problem with cancellations. Life happens. Life supersedes plans. I totally get that. But different situations arising does not give you the excuse of flaking out without so much as a phone call or the cop out: a text.

Am I doomed to just put up with this bullshit? I do get lonely and want to hang out in social settings. But it is so goddamned hurtful that friends consistently bail out on me with out so much as a message stating why. Maybe the worst thing is that they are such fucking primitive people they don't even know to apologize in the first place.

And that's probably what hurts the most: they didn't even once consider MY feelings.



Fuck all this shit: I'm becoming a monk.

9/11: Remembrance Day

This image will haunt me forever and is what I think of when I think of September 11 or Remembrance Day as I like to call it. The man falling to his death as a result of being trapped with no other choice but to burn alive or be crushed to death.

Will we ever really know the truth about what happened on the US eastern seaboard on Sept. 11, 2001?

According to this article in Esquire, backed by USA Today, 7-8% of those who died in NYC on Sept 11th JUMPED to their deaths:

http://www.esquire.com/features/ESQ0903-SEP_FALLINGMAN


It is a shocking and saddening statistic but it really intensifies the horrors these people and the country were facing.

here is a link to a documentary made of the people who jumped to escape a worse death:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3gbxJ4xUDE

Maybe someday a full inquiry and investigation will take place and we will finally learn about the true events behind that horrible day. I don't say it often but now is as good as time as any: God bless us and God bless America!

14th month of FREE AT&T SERVICE!!!

Yes, ever since the great Barcelona mugging of 2010, I've been sticking it to the AT&T man by calling them out on breach of contract.

You see, when you sign a contract with AT&T, they too sign that contract and make promises such as "The best 4G network" and "fewer dropped calls". Those are just the advertising gimmicks they use.

Read the fine print of your contract and you'll see that AT&T must provide evidence that they gave you full access to your account. FCC rules and regulations say that a mobile service company must provide adequate service options as well. Dropped calls and missed connections are actually lucidly infractions in violation of the mutual contract that you signed with them when you first acquired their mobile phone service.

So in 2010 when AT&T wouldn't do shit to help me, I made it my mission to get out of them exactly what they've been getting out of me. So in the last 2 1/2 years, I have called every few months and demanded a free month of service as a result of their contract breach.

I've only ever initially been denied this request/demand twice. Then I hung up, tried my call again, and got what I wanted.

"I'm sick of my dropped calls and unless you or a manager gives me a free month of service, then I won't be happy." Works every time.

Shine bright like a DIAMOND

Hey gang-

Hope all is well with everyone.

So I went into the lgbt center to begin orientation to receive counseling. Yes, counseling- as in one on one with a therapist about my problems. I've had some depressed moments lately, and I thought it was high time I did something about it. I've never seen a shrink or psychologist in my life but I have always said that anyone could use a third party to talk about what troubles them.

Isn't recognizing that you have a problem in the first place the first step to getting better?

Part of what has always upset me in my life is my lack of really feeling like I fit in. Anywhere. I'm always questioning where I belong or in what group or setting I actually mesh with. How come more people don't stand beside me with my thoughts and convictions? I am very opinionated, and as a result, life in Koelenland can seem very isolated.

And my friend gave me the best advice/wisdom. He said:

"Koelen, the fact is, you really don't fit in. You aren't 'normal'. You are different. That's what makes you special. You always want people to agree with you, and the fact is: people rarely agree with you. But just because people don't agree with you, doesn't mean you aren't right. You're just polarizing. You make people think. Some of the greatest minds ever were the same way: no one agreed with them at the time; yet, their outlook on life was so polarizing that it made people re-evaluate their own thoughts and beliefs. So don't change or feel a need to fit in, because you probably won't. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's why we love you. Because you are you."


It is sometimes hard to remember who we are and what we are doing here. My advice? Shine on! Shine bright like a diamond and screw the nay sayers. The people who matter are the ones who appreciate you for you.

~MORNING SEX~

I mean, I love sex, and anytime I can get it is #winning in my eyes.

But the mornings? (Granted that's when us guys are UP!) I just don't feel that sexy in the mornings.

7 Sins of MORNING SEX:



1. Bed hair. 'Nuff said...

2. I've got eye crusties in my eyes...

3. I most likely would have taken my contacts out. So unless I'm wearing my librarian marm glasses, then I'm blinder than Hellen Keller in a cave...

4. Morning breath...

5. I always take forever to wake up...so I'm really only about as conscious as my bed table...

6. I sweat worse than a wanton whore at Christmas in my sleep...so who knows if I'm smelling like a Parisian gym or not...

7. And typically I feel all bloated and dirty. Sleep in Koelen Land is serious business! It ain't pretty!...




Ugh I just feel gross in the mornings. I try not to let my inner Bree van der Kamp out and let all of that obsessing ruin a good morning romp...

But can't we fuck at night like normal folks?

Someone come slap the fuck outta me now and tell me to shut up about my #firstworldproblems!

NObamacare

Here is a perfect analogy of the way I feel about Obamacare and the "universal" "Affordable" Healthcare Act:


Yes. It is a step. But I'd've rather they built stairs that are gonna last, made by carpenters from both sides, than rickedy stairs that will collapse in 10 years- slapped together just so we could say we were helping the community by installing stairs for everyone, and constructed just to pay back the carpenters who gave you deciding power in the first place.

(Leaving 30+ million Americans- including myself: who will opt out and pay the penalty as it is all I can "afford"- uncovered is not universal health coverage. And certainly not when it benefits the record breaking profitable machines that are insurance companies in the US)

http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2013/08/29/covered-california-spreading-word-answering-questions-about-affordable-care-act/

Music is my hot hot SEX

Sorry I haven't written in a minute kids. I have been emotionally and mentally under the weather and have been feeling quite lost these days.

I've lived in LA off and on 10 years now and still am trying to find the friend group/support system that I have always wanted. It's very easy to get down and feel lonely in the city of Angels because everyone is too busy for anybody unless they feel like they are getting something out of the situation.

Today I saw Katy Perry's new video for her single "Roar" and highly enjoyed it. I may not really like her music that much or respect her that much, but I highly value pop stars that put so much emphasis in self empowerment.

Hence why I love Kylie Minogue so much. Kylie's music is what one friend called "bubble gum pop". If that means music you can feel good about and dance to at any point in the day to lift your spirits, then maybe it is bubble gum pop.

Her music is more than that to me though: it is also self-empowering. She never sings about hardships or political stuff: it's always "Get outta my way" because "I Believe in you". "Can't get you outta my head" because you're "spinning around" so much you're making "all the lovers" feel like they are living with a "fever" or traveling "light years" through space.

I'm a writer and lyricist, so wordplay is very important to me. With lyrics like:

"Can you hear me? I'm connecting with you can you feel me? I'd do anything to have you near me. I was wondering: will you reach me?"

"Put your hands up if you feel in love!"

"It won't be long now: BREATHE!"

"It's not the end of the world. It's just the start of me and you!"

"Skip a beat and move with my body. SLOW"

"Push me to the brim, and you fill me to the brink. I can't function. I CAN'T THINK!"
or: "The way I feel about you's too much!"

"I don't believe you know me, although you know my name. I don't believe the thoughts I have are only mine to blame." or even "The joker's always smiling in every hand that's dealt, I don't believe that when you die your presence isn't felt."

"Every heartbeat, babe, is the soundtrack to your life!"

Or:

"And everything went from wrong to right. The stars came out and filled up the sky. The music you were playin' really blew my mind. It was love at first sight!"

Kylie's always singing about love and it's endless possibilities. Maybe that's why I love her: she makes me feel like finding love is an inevitability rather than something only left to select people. Either way, Kyle's music has always had my heart.

Love you, Kylie Minogue, and I hope you make records until you are 80!!!

Music has always held my heart. I have been so down these last few days and the music in my life is what keeps me ticking. It is very safe to say that without music, I wouldn't be here right now.