HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

To all my ghosts and ghouls: HAPPY HALLOWEEN from KOELEN LAND!!!

Be safe tonight, mein lieblings!!!

Until then, you are helping Macklemore aka Koelen

achieve 5000 hits on this blog by clicking!!! Thank you so much for the support!

Have a spooktacular Halloween everyone!

Therapy 4

Due to scheduling conflicts, my counselor and I had to cancel last week, so even though this is week 5, it is only sesh #4.

I'm slowly realizing through the course of the last few weeks of talking out my problems that I may not love myself as much as I thought. I am often letting people into my life who do not care about me or who do not respect me for the friend that I am to them. I have this pattern of having friends that end up abandoning me in the end.

My therapist asked me why I thought that I kept choosing the same friend types over and over again. I still don't know the answer to that one. Why do I keep letting people in who don't want to give me the time and effort I give them? Is it some type of self degrading thing I do to myself? Am I a gluten for punishment?

I was once told that every good story has a solid beginning, middle, and end. Well, this story doesn't have an end yet because I still haven't totally figured it out...

But what I will say is this: Find people in your life who value you for you. Learn to appreciate yourself and love yourself in the way I am re-learning to appreciate myself and love myself for who I AM, not somebody who someone out there wants me to be!

From Hawaii to Texas...can you hear wedding bells ringing?

"The marriage equality wave is washing onto shores on four continents and Oceania all around the world," said Levinson, who urged Hawaii to catch the wave.

Marriage Equality pushed forward in the Aloha State today as Senators of The Judicial and Labor Committee voted 5-2 to push Marriage Equality to a full Senate vote, where it is likely to pass. Passage of the Governor backed Senate Bill SB 1 is likely in the Senate but questionable in the house.

Meanwhile in Illinois an equality rally happened this past weekend to push legislators in a special veto session to pass Marriage Equality there. Passage in Illinois is still debatable.

Two Texas couples sued their state and questioned Texas' marriage equality ban on Monday, opening the doors to begin the process of getting full equality in the US' second most populated state.

Texas is far off, Illinois may happen by the end of the year, but it looks like our eyes turn to Hawai'i where the Senate could vote as early as Halloween. What a delicious present that would be, now wouldn't it?

RIP IKE

My mother just informed me that former US Congressman Ike Skelton of Missouri died today. Ike Skelton was a Democrat Representative from conservative central Missouri for 34 years and won 17 back to back elections.

He was finally unseated by a Republican tea party candidate in 2010.

I met him several times and he was very fond of my grandfather as they were 'round table' buddies: meaning the two of them and several of the other town patriarchs gathered together every morning for coffee, politics, and gossip, mostly.

I did have to reintroduce myself each time I met him as John Pelham's grandson. In 2010, I reached out to him and his congressional office during the fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell for his vote and his office gave me a generic response back, even though I dropped my grandfather's name. As a result of his voting to keep DADT in place, he lost the lgbt vote in Missouri and ultimately the election in 2010 after winning every election in a row since the 1970s.

Whether or not the two are correlated is doubtful but he did lose to a strong tea party candidate that year. He originally, as a Democrat, did NOT vote for Obamacare in the House of Reps' final voting... Makes me wonder what inevitably cost him his seat in the house? An affiliation to the Democrats that the state was sick of? His voting NO for Obamacare in 2009 but then voting in 2010 NOT to repeal it?

Either way, I feel for his family. Whether or not I agreed with his social politics in the end, he was still a gentleman and seemed like he was passionate towards my home state of Missouri. And he was always dedicated throughout his entire career to one key issue: veteran's and armed serviceman rights and benefits.

RIP indeed.

Ciao! Mi chiamo Koelen!

Getting super excito for the fact that I will be venturing to ITALIA for my first time in 3 weeks!

Yup, 21 days from today I will land in Venice: land of canals and enchantment! I've been studying up on some terrible Italiano, so I will be ready and raring with the locals! Wish me luck!

Until then, grazie per la lettura!

2013's Halloween Costume is...

MACKLEMORE!!!

From zero to hero in 2.5

Poolside in October

Say what you want to about Lost Angeles, but we absolutely do have the most perfectest, bestest weather ever!

After working 8 events back to back over the last 6 days, I'm officIally taking today off of work! Yesterday was a crazy busy day that began at 8 a.m. and ended at 4 in the morning!

(What? I had to find out how season 1 of The Following ended. And let me tell you that I was so disappointed I doubt that I'll be keeping up with season 2.)

So today I'm catching up on my rays; laying here getting some vitamin D. It's 78 degrees today in the City of Angels (26 Celsius) and the sun is shining like a freshly f^%#ed whore at Christmas!

Poolside. In October. #therapy #thisisthelife

Hump Day Happy

So most of my friends know how much I loathe mornings. I was cut from the night cloth and it has always been a challenge to me to fully accept dealing with anything in le mañana.

Today, though, seems like it will shape up into a good day.

It's only 10:30 in the morning and I've already set up three meetings. I'm currently having maintenance in my flat installing two brand new windows that will be double-paned and sound proofed! I rescheduled my counseling appointment, and have a lovely event I'm working on tonight in Bel Air.

Seems pretty mundane to you guys, I'm sure. But right now, I'm feeling like a power player. It feels good to be a lil busy bee. Now if only there was better TV in the mornings: I might actually be encouraged to wake up early more!

And now a humpday hottie:

Carving a gay pumpkin

This is how I spent my last Friday night: Karving a punkin Koelen Style!

Halloween: Life's no fun without a good scare!

What does this blogger do on a typical October Friday night?

Watch my favourite Halloween/Christmas movie, The Nightmare Before Christmas!

THIS IS HALLOWEEN!!!


"Twas a long time ago
longer now than it seems...

In a place that, perhaps, you've seen in your dreams.
For the story that you are about to be told
Took place in the holiday worlds of old.

Now you probably wondered where holidays come from?
If you haven't, I'd say it's time you begun!"

Jersey just got EQUAL!!!

Good news coming outta Jersey that doesn't include the earth swallowing up the Jersey shore quicker than Snooki at a Krispy Kreme...

The Supreme Court of the state of New Jersey has said that marriage equality will begin in their state October 21 and the governor, Chris Christie will not challenge the ruling!

Jersey just became our 14th state to legalize marriage equality!!!

ThrowBACK Thursday

I typically hate those throwback Thursday posts, but thought this was a good one.

This is my mum and I in 2011 for her 60th cruise I took her on.

Next to it is a pic of my sis and I when I was a wee lil babe.

See? Aren't I just the cutest little Devil?!?

#throwbackthursday

I'm LIVE on 5 continents!

Thank you so much to everyone that takes time out of their day to read this crazy blog that is my contemplations and adventures in this life!

I really appreciate the support and am happy to announce that I just passed the 4,300 views mark! I'm loving the fact that I have had that many views only since I restarted my blog in June of this year. Sure, 300 of those are mine, but the other 4000 views/clicks in the last 3 months on my entries stand sentinel like Spartanic numbers radiating a glow of support for what I write on here and I absolutely love you for it, sweetie dahlings!!!

I even have a tracker map and I have an audience on 5 continents! I know my friend Irene is reading Down Undah, and even though the map didn't show it, I know she'd help me bring in the 6th! Thank you guys for supporting my blog and for making me feel special! I have an audience on every continent where there are people living? I'll take it! Cheers to you and god bless! All my luv!!!

A return to Barcelona

3 years ago today, I was mugged in Barcelona.

I quickly picked myself up and really made myself enjoy the rest of my time in Catalonia, but it certainly put a damper on the whole experience. When making plans this summer to return to Europe next month, I knew there was one place I needed to go to make amends, for Barcelona had taken me "into her arms and protected me like the lioness that she truly is..."

To celebrate the fact that I will make my first grand return to España one month from today, I wanted to include a sample out of my short story "barcelona" from my upcoming book: 16

"barcelona"

"...I immediately fell in love with the pace of the city as well. Barcelona has a heart beat and its pulse turned out to be everything I'd wanted it to be and more. Sure the city was beautiful but the people in the way they live was what really fascinated me about Barcelona. The pace and their concept of time was completely alluring to me, as I've always been a night owl since I was little boy.

Barcelonians, for the most part, wake between 10 in the morning to noon and begin breakfast anywhere from 11 in the morning until one in the afternoon.  Lunch was never served before 3 o'clock. In fact, anyone could find themselves eating lunch even as late as 6 pm. Therefore, an early dinner in Barcelona wouldn't even start until 9 pm and could possibly end at 2 in the morning.

Of course it wouldn't be Spain if there were no siestas taking place at any given time during the day. But it wouldn't be Barcelona if there also wasn't dancing all night. You can bet your ass, that's exactly what I did every night:  dance my ass off until the wee, wee hours of the morning and siesta-ed during the day...."

Therapy 3

Tonight was counseling sesh numero 3 and I feel like I'm really making progress to become a better me! I really advise anyone who is feeling low or depressed to seek out the help of a specialist. It is so nice to be able to talk with some one who is there to help you and give you a subjective opinion.

Tonight my therapist (god, now I sound so L.A.!) gave me such a great bit of wisdom. I told him he could "psycho-analyze this" however much he wanted, but I confided in him the fact that I haven't really dated anyone for longer than a month to a month and a half for a really long time. That my relationships over the last 5 years hadn't lasted much longer than 30-40 days. I told him I always find some issue with the guy: be it experience, hygiene, opinions, height, mannerisms, competitive nature, dick size, and or overall attraction; thus, leading me to break it off with the guy. I told him I just always find something that turns me off that makes me feel like I would be settling for that something that I don't like if I stayed with him. I'm ready to stand still with someone at this point in my life, I said.

He said he didn't think there was any need to "psycho-analyze me", that it sounded like to him that I know exactly what I want and I'm in a stage in my life where I'm not looking to waste time any more with guys whom I can't see having a future with. He said maybe a good idea would be for me to write down 5 deal breakers that I won't put up with as well as 5 attributes that I seek in a mate and doing so could potentially help me when I start dating again.

And you know what? I think he's exactly right. I think I had a breakthrough...

Tuesday Tenacity

Oh London, how I've missed thee...

I return to Europe in one month! Time to start packing!

Happy Tuesday, ya'll!

Keep Your Legs Closed and your enemies closer

Hello-

Just some friendly advice from your local gayborhood blogger:

Just because you wanna get fucked, doesn't mean you should.

sometimes you gotta keep it closed ladies!

Should I Get Married? Today, I mean?!

Can I just tell you how grateful I am to now live in a state that recognizes full marriage equality? I am so blessed that the Supreme Court killed Proposition 8 and now lgbt people are closer to having full legal rights as protected under the Constitution.

I worked a gay wedding today, and it was so beautiful and moving. They had their wedding in their home, with a small guest count of 60 people. Very elegant, yet simplistic. Seeing these two handsome blocks get hitched made me long for the day when I will finally get married.

I hadn't really ever thought about what I wanted to have my wedding look like or how I actually wanted it to take place until today. I want a very personal wedding in either my back yard or someone else's. I had always thought I would want a beach wedding, but I gotta say that I love the familiarity with having your reception at home.

Another thing I realized is I really want my mom to be there to give me away. Sounds gay and silly, but these two grooms had all their relatives in attendance, including both sets of grandparents. All of my grandparents are deceased, and my family is now quite small. Having my mom there would mean the world to me. I've only ever danced with my mom once, at my sister's wedding. I really want to do that again. I love my mom and I know that her health is deteriorating, so I -all of a sudden- am filled with a new sense of urgency to get married and settle down.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling that internal clock ticking and asking when am I gonna get married?! Obviously I need a man first...

What I miss about living in the midwest?

October. and Colored leaves falling. Oh well. God bless those 315 days of L.A. sunshine!

COG

I'm super excito to see C.O.G. in theaters. It's the first adaptation of a David Sedaris work, and he is literally my literary hero!

What? Get it? It's a cog!!!! I had to!

Therapy 2

Had my second counseling appointment tonight. I feel it went very well. Every day is a new day and every day I feel like I'm getting better.

One day soon, I want to be back to 1000% Koelen.

In the meantime, I learned a valuable lesson tonight at counseling:

My secrets are for me to keep and or reveal when I want and to whomever I want. I used to think I had to come clean about everything and anything. In reality, it's my life and I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Halloween Whore Nights

   In my quest to celebrate and have a fully well rounded, but inexpensive Halloween, I just tonight purchased a $2.99 pumpkin from Trader Joes and am watching scary movies.

  Tonight's horror film is John Carpenter's Christine. Why they haven't remade this movie since it's release in 1983 is beyond me.  Either way, it holds its own as being a creepy, original movie and makes me really miss the 1980s and Stephen King books.

Happy Halloween! 

TTFN~ Ta Ta for Now!

Album of the summer? The winner goes to...

ELECTRIC by THE PET SHOP BOYS

I was Bolshy-ing my ass down the streets of Berlin like it was a land of dreams to this incredibly amazing album. Prague showed me Love like it was a Bourgeois Construct... I crushed the streets of L.A. this summer, with this soundtrack blaring its vocal axis in my ears: shouting in the evening like I was a fluorescent Thursday...or just the last to die...for our mistakes!

This is Koelen's official recommendation for not only album of the summer, but one of the best of the year!

The Walk Of Shame!!

It's October 7th and my 100th Blog entry~!!!

For my 100th entry, I wanted to write about something very important:


It happens all of a sudden. You're out with your budskies and you have a chance encounter with a total superman hottie. Things escalate as the night progresses and pretty soon, you're back at the guy's place hooking up with him.

Flash forward to the next morning...or...the next day...or...later on that night...or...even 20 minutes later when you snap into the realization of what you just did and decide to get outta there faster than a gazelle on the Serengeti!!!

However much later it is, the journey home is never cute. At this point, you're the Hot Mess Express and you're train just left the station: homeward bound. For some reason, you feel like strangers passing on the street automatically know that you just had sex and are being judged for it. That any encounter you face on the quest to su casa must be dealt with like a vampire to sunlight. You are wearing clothes that are either wrinkled from being tossed on the floor, ripped in the heat of passion, stained/soiled for...well...I won't go there, or just simply the clothes you had on the night before. With makeup smeared on le ladies and roll-in-the-hay bed hair on guys, sometimes after just doing the nasty you are just a disheveled, disoriented state of affairs. Especially if that means you have to pick up the pieces of your life and take your sorry ass home.

How bad can the walk of shame really be?

My thoughts are this:

if you come home shirtless, with your belt unbuckled, carrying your shoes in one hand and your wet/stained underwear in the other, then you really must've just done something truly shameful.

And I love you for it, you hot Los Angeles mess!

#walkofshame

The hills are alive with the sound of MUSIC

This was my facebook post yesterday. I was so moved by what happened, I thought I would share with you today:

You wanna know something I love? Anytime someone gets behind a piano and starts playing, even if no one was previously in the room, the sound of the music draws people to it. Even in 2013, people will still stop what they are doing and listen. Together. Just standing there, listening, and appreciating the art that surrounds them.

Take that modern technology!

SLUMlord Millionaire

Anyone else live in an apartment with a slum lord?

I live in a great apartment in the heart of Stepford, and yet I constantly am dealing with the poor decisions of a slumlord corporation and their shenanigans.

Every time I put in a work order in the 4.5 years that I have lived here, something goes wrong. Typically I wait 3 weeks before hearing back from anyone. Carol, the cunt faced demon whore who runs the office and maintenance at Holley Property Management, some how always manages to fuck things up so bad that I get into screaming confrontations on the phone with her.

More than 8 times I have called for plumbing issues or window issues. She's say to me (short and rudely, I might add):

"I'll have the maintenance guys call you." Or "I'll have the plumber call you"

And then they never call. Nope. They just bang on my door at 7 am with a work order that I never approved, nor signed off on. Or they burst into my apartment when I'm laying on my couch masturbating without any previous notice given to me that they were even coming.

If it was the first time or 3rd time, I might understand.

Yesterday, I called at 12 noon. Told them about my plumbing issues: my bathtub water is running constantly and has been for 2 weeks. (I've only waited it out this long to call them because every time I call them, something shitty happens like them sending Illegal aliens here to my house who "fix" the problem, leave my room trashed with dirt and plumbing stuff, and then do such a bad job that the bathtub needs to be refixed 8 months later.)

Cunty Carol says: "Ok I'll have the plumber call you." Thinking it would be another 3 weeks before I ever saw the light of day of a plumber at my door, I thanked her and got off the phone. Of course it being 12 noon, I don't understand why they just didn't call me back that day. But whatever. No matter.

So at 7 am this morning I'm awoken outta my bed at a banging on my door. Hard. When I asked who was banging on my door, he told me it was the plumber. I told him I didn't have a work order. Even still, I begrudgingly let him inside my house then called my apartment manager office and got Carol. I said who I was and asked if it was her I spoke to yesterday. It was.

"Ok Carol, then I kind of don't understand why you told me you were going to have them call me before just showing up."

Instead of doing what a normal person in the SERVICE industry, like this bitch is, woulda done like said: "oh im so sorry", she decided to go into turbo bitch mode:

"What? I told you I'd put in a work order." In a tone as snatchy as the day is blue.

So I say to her:

"I kind of don't get what you don't understand about giving me notice and communicating..."

(She didn't let me finish) "What? I did communicate! I don't have to listen to this. I don't have time and I'm gonna hang up if..."

"What? Are you kidding me? I was sleeping and then get woken up by..."

"You put in a work order. Deal with it."

That's when I lose my shit: "No you OBVIOUSLY did NOT COMMUNICATE and If you would LEARN TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB INSTEAD OF BEING SUCH A GODDAMNED BITCH ALL THE TIME, THIS WOULDNT HAPPEN. YOU DON'T JUST SEND WORKERS TO SOMEONE'S HOUSE WILLY NILLY, YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

And that's when we both hung up. Yes, I did lose my shit and go off on her. Had this been her first, second, even 4th time at the rodeo, I woulda went easier on her. But it wasn't. This is how she handles situations and she needs to be fired. Kind of like the federal government: if you suck that bad at your job, maybe you shouldn't have your job anymore.

I also love that any work order takes forever to process with me, but this one: my leaking bathtub which is costing them money in water billage, gets handled with a dramatic urgency. Never have I ever received a worker THE DAY after calling a maintenance issue in.

How would you like an unexpected plumber stranger banging on your door at 7 am?

Any ideas of what I can do? I'm going to write the city now and complain about her/them. What about the better business bureau?

Therapy

Since I'm destined to be the next Carrie Bradshaw meets David Sedaris love child, I've been inclined to share a lot recently about my life on this blog.

And who knows if anyone is actually listening?

Is anyone really out there?


If anyone actually does follow this blog, I have something to confide in you: I had my first night of therapy today. I say therapy, but really I think the term counseling sounds less threatening and certainly less stygmatizing- if that is even a word.

I'm still in the moment right after meeting with my new counselor. It's a brand new feeling because I have never sought out help or advice before. I went looking for someone to talk to because I have, for the first time in my life, been dealing with a depression. A feeling of abandonment and loss. A feeling of fear and lack of love for myself. Questioning my self worth. I have never felt so mentally low in all my 31 years on this earth and I only partially know what's wrong with me. For the most part, I've just been sad over several recent dramatic changes and upsets in my life.

So I decided I don't want to live the way I have lived the last few months. Even the last few years. I can't mask my problems with excuses anymore and can no longer do things that don't make me happy.

It is actually a sigh of relief knowing that I now have an exterior person that I can go talk to who's only perception of me will be what I confide in him. This sounds like I would refrain from revealing my past or upsetting factors of my life, but; to the contrary if our first meeting was any indication of how I will handle my therapy. I had several moments that I painfully cried through tonight. I have every intention on confiding everything to him. My pandora box is going to get opened by me. I sought out counseling because I want to get better. I want to talk about what bothers me and no longer hold secrets or pent up feelings.

And I'm taking a step forward to recover from my past mistakes. I'm no longer a child and have got myself to depend on to help myself out of the state I'm in now.

All of this sounds emotional, and it is.


So if I really have started developing a readership amongst you, I hope you are ready for a wild and often bumpy ride when reading my blog. It's gonna be no-holds barred and full on- just the way my life has been and just how I want it to be.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your final destination. As you are well aware, my baggage may have shifted upon takeoff...

Otherwise, welcome back Koelen.

Folsom at its Freakiest 2013

What happens in San Francisco never stays in San Francisco...

OKTOBER 1

Though I'm sad to see the summer go, October is most definitely my favourite month of the year! And it's been a great day, too:

*I found out that I was deemed 100% innocent today for the accident I was involved in nearly two weeks ago. A just verdict considering an asshole came into my lane and side swiped me. That check will be coming soon.

*Today was pay day, which is always a good day.

*I returned some items and was able to purchase my third dress suit that I have ever owned. I'm really a grown up man now!

*I also bought a new shirt for work.

*I got booked on an event for tomorrow.

*I'm able to finally begin planning my return to Europe in November. With my trip being a month an a half away, it's time to start figuring out where in Spain and Italy I will be traveling to and how long I will be staying in each place.

Any suggestions on where I should go? I'm thinking I will visit Sitges while in Barcelona and then will travel onward to Venice and Rome.

*ALL 5 SEASONS OF ABFAB WERE RELEASED ON HULU PLUS TODAY!!! I DIE, SWEETIE DAHLING!!!!

*Most of all, October 1 is a great day because it's the start of Halloween month. I love me some Halloween and the craziness, spookiness, parties, events, scary movies, anarchy, and debauchery that goes with it. Halloween will always be my favourite holiday!

People are so fucking stupid. READ! EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!

Have any of you actually read the law that is Obamacare? Didn't think so. Which is pretty much on par with the 60 Senators that signed it into law.

Yet everyone here is so willing to jump down the throats of Republicans for today's events, ignoring the fact that the Democrats wouldnt compromise either.

Why don't we all start actually EDUCATING ourselves instead of listening what the media will tell us?!?

ME for instance: I work as an independent contractor. My work doesn't supply me with health insurance. My premiums starting in january will be $189-$322 per month. Or I could take the penalty for not having it at all, but doesnt taking the penalty deplete the purpose of pretending to call it universal health care? HOW MANY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE JUST LIKE ME? Can you re-allocate $300 a month for yourselves?!?

So either I pay for it, or the government pays for it. But if the government pays for it, that is even more debt to our accumulated pile of money owed.

Companies, to be able to afford this new law, are laying people off and shrinking work schedules to part time to be able to PAY for this healthcare. Oh and the 2 TRILLION dollars its costing us and you are mad that Republicans "shut down the government" for not raising our debt ceiling again?

Wake up people and READ!!!! Obama and this healthcare plan is not that great. Many of us, 30 million to be exact, so one in 12 (roughly), will NOT have viable access to healthcare under this law!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE.

HAVE YOU GONE AND CALCULATED WHAT IT WILL COST YOU PER MONTH BEFORE WITCH HUNTING THE REPUBLICANS? didnt think so, either...

The only way we can ever fix this problem is to stop voting for incumbents. In fact, it would be great if we could start over with a brand new government where term limits would be in place in my book.