I don't have my counseling sesh until tomorrow, but a piece of wisdom has resonated in my head ever since I met with my therapist last week.
I was upset with someone over their words and their actions. My therapist asked what my ideal relationship with said person would be like. I came back with this:
"I wish I had this relationship with this person. I wish they would communicate more. I wish I could call this person all the time like I call my mom all the time. I fantasize about having this or having that with this person..."
He said that those fantasies were great, but what did I REALLY want from this person, knowing who they are and their capabilities???
He said it was great to envision a better relationship, but asked if I ever thought that would ever actually happen, knowing the way the person acts.
I answered a simple, "No. No I don't think it will happen."
What he said in response was such a pearl of wisdom that I will take it with me forever:
"You can't change the way people act, Koelen. You can only change the way YOU behave and act."
This is so true. Have I ever communicated the way I feel about wanting a better relationship with this person? Probably not. Have I ever asked this person what THEY want out of our relationship? No. Have I ever really touched below the surface with this person? No.
You cannot change people or the way they are. But you can change YOU.
The way YOU are with people. The way YOU act and the way YOU communicate.
So it's time for a change. An inner change. The immortal words of fellow Missourian Sheryl Crow: "A change would do you good", never seemed so appropriate to me now.
Time to communicate better and change the way I act/react.
Things change. People change.
Change is good.
