To Pee or Not to Pee?
That is the question.
On this blog I like to tackle the hard hitting issues of today's day and age.
Like this topic: watersports
Since we were kids, we were taught that pee pee was gross and meant for the toilet. You were supposed to take your self into the bathroom and flush away any remnants of bodily fluid that came out of you.
Yet, as we morphed into teenagers, we began to realize that the same organs/body parts that we use to relieve ourselves of fluids from also become our sex organs.
So, why God, are the two so closely entangled yet deemed so separate by society?
As men, we are forced to pee in extremely close proximity to one another, be it at urinals or the troughs that restaurants and other establishments leave for us to piss into. Sometimes we have our penises out and peeing meer inches from another guy participating in the same ritual. Kind of sets up the situation for a homo erotic scene, doesn't it?
Why, if society shuns pee and peeing so much, (and frankly homosexual activity) do architects and designers keep creating restrooms where the urinals are so close together? They can't all be gay, can they?
It's like society wants men to constantly be observing the variations of penises on men and wants us to constantly be comparing. That and or wants us to watch each other pee. I know I do. I at least try and be courteous to my fellow pee-er by not glancing at his rod while we are both in the middle of the act of pissing. But sometimes, a glance happens. I'm gay, so naturally you'd jump to the conclusion that I look at the other guy because I'm attracted to his organ.
I think it's beyond that. Straight men glance too. All the time. In some kind of Darwinian / evolutionary way, we have left peeing in caves and behind bushes and have gone full circle to...having men pee in troughs or holes in the wall together in unison.
Lord knows if you walk into a bathroom and there is an empty urinal between two dudes, you take that urinal- wouldn't want your fellow bros thinking you're a pussy and can't handle pissing with your dick in the air 5 inches from the next guy. Otherwise if you are pee shy and dip into a stall with a door, it's assumed that you either couldn't handle the heat or are in need of a poo.
And what exactly is the big deal behind pee? It's just bodily waste, right? Just excess fluids we don't need, right?
It has recently come to my attention in the last few years that some consenting adults get turned on by the thought of piss. With gay men, I feel there is a hand in hand lineage due to us being forced to pee in such close quarters to one another our entire lives.
So I get that some people, gays specifically, are turned on by the idea of a guy pissing. But what about on them?
When I was in Berlin last November (and granted, the craziest shit goes down in Berlin. Germans can be so fucking uptight that they need to lash out and get crazy behind closed doors, sexually), and met up with this French guy. I would assume just by looking at him that he was a normal, French hottie shacking up Berliner style.
But as things got heated, the question arose:
"Are you into watersports?"
What exactly does that mean- watersports? I think they call it watersports because that's what your piss is made up of- water?!?
So I said what any gay, open minded, adventurist American would have said:
"I'm open to trying new things."
What happened next still perplexes me to this day. He wanted me to piss all over his chest, face, and mouth. To be honest, I was at first grossed out by it. Remember I have spent 30 years of my life being told "pee pee is gross", so it is kinda hard to get that construct out of your head while being sexual.
Well, truth be told, and for full and total discretion: I did it. I marked that slut like he was my territory, lol. And he fucking loved it! So weird, right?! Maybe not...
So I began a crusade of research after that hook up. And let me tell you, I learned a lot:
Piss is actually used for all kinda of things all over the world. Your pee is actually completely sterile. Meaning it can be digested *gulp* and can be used for things such as sterilizing a wound like from a jelly fish. Some aboriginal cultures have made men injest the urine of other men in order to gain strength and become warriors. Some cultures have used it as medicine for centuries. A friend of mine used to have his then boyfriend pee on his toes in the morning in the shower to help with athlete's foot! Laurence of Arabia survived crossing the Sahara on his piss alone, for Chris'sakes! Google "pee" and look at what comes up!
What's interesting to me is why more people don't talk about pee. We have all joked about peeing our pants or taking the piss out of somebody...but after my research I'm left wondering why there is such taboo behind something so natural?
Last night a similar instance occurred like the one in Berlin. A guy wanted to hook up with me but asked if I have ever tried watersports. I answered that I had but that my experience was minimal at best. He said as long as we both drank enough water we could both pee on each other for hours...
And that's when I stopped.
Hold the phone!
I guess I had never thought about someone peeing on me. I immediately became grossed out again, but then re-questioned why I was so grossed out.
To answer what all of your curious minds are wondering, I didn't end up meeting up with this guy. Some light sexting occurred, but it turns out I was too scarred to be submitted to being the submissive one on the pee end.
But I remember the feeling I got from peeing on the French guy in Germany. In a way, it was so releasing- and not just literally. It felt freeing to counter what so much of society has taught us. It was liberating knowing that I was tapping into a whole different world of sex that I didn't even know existed. It really isn't that far of a jump: we use the same organs to pee out of that we put in our mouths during sex. How many of you ladies wash out your vaginas after peeing before your man goes down on you? Fellas: how many times do you wash your penis off after peeing but before oral sex?
I don't know how I will react when the next guy comes along who is into the WS. It's still a new and taboo idea to me.
I must say that I have been single so long that if my Prince Charming walked in the door tomorrow and it turned out that he likes to be pissed on or likes to piss on guys, I don't think I would throw him out with the bath water. Carrie Bradshaw didn't think she could deal with it, but maybe I could...
Everyone has limits. I'm willing to stretch mine a bit for the right guy.
Would you?
All this coffee really makes me want to go take a leak...
******UPDATE******
OH SNAP!!! I just remembered that I had this photo of a 8'x 8' painting hanging in the British National Gallery in London:
