Today was therapy session number 9. I'm finally over the hump and more than half way through my allotted treatment time of 16 weeks.
It's crazy to me how much time has gone by. But the reality is I am improving week by week. I'm returning to my inner strong self that has been locked up inside me too long.
My therapist tonight asked what it meant to me to get back to "1000% Koelen".
I told him of my life back when I was 21-23 when I was on the cusp of leaving LA and moving to New York. My job was shitty, my living situation was shitty; yet, I was happy, content, and satisfied with my life in many ways back then.
I also mentioned a day I was walking in Berlin this past July. The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, and I felt invincible. My energy was beaming so much you could see a glow surrounding me like Claire Danes in the movie Stardust. I was smiling ear to ear and couldn't be happier. Why was I so content and beaming with me-ness? I can't answer that other than I was so happy to be there at that exact moment in that exact city. Life was great and I was living it.
The plan is by the end of my therapy to have battled some of my inner demons and conquer the ones that have been holding me back.
Live life to the fullest. Be happy for even the smallest stuff. Realize that life won't always be perfect and that I am blessed to be here right now, in this city, at this exact moment, right now, writing this.
