Friday, September 26, 2014

The RIM JOB heard round the world

Yes, I went there ladies and germs. And so did ABC's new Shonda Rhimes show:

How To Get Away With Murder



Last night I, too, was one of 14 million people who turned in to the first episode of this juicy legal drama starring Viola Davis as a law professor who's tactics are a little more Scandal than they are Grey's.



One of the best features of the show? The gay character Conner Walsh played by actor Jack Falahee using his seduction techniques to get information and get "ahead". Which led to ABC's shocking gay-sex reveal: they virtually showed Conner giving a rim job--something never seen before on cable TV. 






Something like lickin' booty has been previously reserved for networks like HBO and Showtime on shows like True Blood, Queer as Folk, or maybe even Game of Thrones. But ABC? I cannot imagine the conservative backlash the network will get for showing two naked men kissing in bed and eventually one running his tongue down the other's back to his crack...



But god bless ABC! Sex is sex. Sex is life. Sorry folks, but a lot of people enjoy rimming-- both giving and receiving. Straight and gay. Come on ladies: your Samantha is mere inches from you starfish--you're meaning to tell me your man never slipped and ended up in the nether-region by mistake? Or maybe he just likes rimming you? OR better yet--you like rimming him?



Let's face it. Getting your ass eaten out and tongued-out feels good. It's pretty much the most intimate act you can perform on a person. 



Maybe seeing the act on TV in homes across America will help our puritanical nation wake up and realize: 

Hey! It's just sex! We can all start tongue punching away. Just make sure it's a clean salad you're tossin' before you start dining at the butt-buffet!



Now eat my ass!






#DIMU

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gayting

#Gayting



A few months ago when I had that shit-storm of a mess go down between an ex-lover and ex-friend, I was slapped in the face with the comment that said ex and I had "never actually dated," according to this person that had several times claimed to be my bestie.

This statement really threw me off-kilter. Did my involvement with this person and the connection that we felt for each other really not constitute as "dating?" And if that was the case, then do I really know what it means to "date" someone? Was the friendship that I cherished really just based on lies and deceit? Or am I just an awful judge of character and completely oblivious to ongoings around me? I realize now that this utterance came out at a moment and was just a nasty thing to throw in someone's face when they were trying to justify an illicit affair and betrayal. That the moments I had had with this person were real and the feelings I felt were valid.



But it still made me question the world that is gayting. What is dating in 2014 in the gay world? The stereotype of lesbians defines dating as a single dinner followed by sex after, followed by a move-in date three days to a week later. But between two men, who are carnally, biologically designed to breed and fuck our brains out, is dating really even possible? What exactly defines "dating" between two gay guys? When do two guys stop casually sleeping together and hanging out in a definition-less stage and graduate to becoming boyfriends?



I really don't know the answer to any of these questions.



Because we are still men, sex and sexual compatibility is one of the most important aspects of gay relationships. Two guys fucking each other need to be in sync with one another to really bond and connect as lovers. But so much more goes into dating than just the physicality. It really is about the connection you have with the person.



The only answer I have is that my emotions and the emotions you feel are real. We are valid. Just because someone doesn't share your values, feelings, or ideals of what relationships--personal, professional, and romantic--can be, doesn't mean that there isn't someone else out there who feels exactly the way you do. There is a solace in knowing I'll find a love in a hopeful place. Until then, it's back to the gayting pool. I'm divin' in.






Monday, September 22, 2014

#DIMU release date 10/31/2014





So excited to officially announce the release date for my first book

Dancing in My Underwear

will be HALLOWEEN!

Yes kids, bringing you special K realness 10/31/2014!

Stay tuned!

#dimu

Monday, September 15, 2014

Manscaping

Manscaping


Years ago when singing in the gay men's chorus, it was suddenly brought to my attention that some men shave their balls, some men wax, and some men clipper their bushes like Edward Scissorhands in a snowstorm. After a failed shave attempt in high school that left my cut-up scrotum looking like the aftermath of a battlefield, I joined the ranks of those that clip.



However, toying with the titulating topic of trim-age made me realize that all homo sapiens must have a method to their madness of keepin' it tidy 'tween the legs. Personally I just don't like the feeling of razor burn. I also have big, German legs that often run together when I walk. I can't be feeling like I've got fire crotch before I've even left the house.
So I use clippers to keep everything ship-shape and tidy. I realized the value long ago of keeping your pubes at bay so your wang chung can look even bigger--as if your pubic hair were the shrubbery surrounding a famous landmark.



Let's face it, some guys like hair and others don't. Some guys like a bald pussy. Some guys like lumberjack, hairy-bear realness. Luckily for mich, my Northern-Euro genes blessed me with blond-reddish body hair, so trimming my hedges does wonders.



As for others, I know several of you have other methods. I'm sure some still sport what I like to call the Rafiki--you haven't cut down the trees in your jungle since Simba was a cub. Others are smoother than Mount Baldy on a clear day.



I love seeing or hearing about someone imploring all the methods in manscapage in one sitting: 

Comedic writer, playwright, and author Del Shores takes the Rape-and-Pillage-My-Village approach of using razors, scissors, and clippers.



Either way gents, do us all a favor: continue being YOU! That's what makes you unique. But keep the hair at bay. Even just a lil. 


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Unions ruin America

We need to abolish unions. Yes you heard me right. Why get rid of unions, you may ask? I have personally seen the multitudes of negativity that unions support and continue to see them denigrate and destroy our society.



I came to this conclusion more than a year ago. For two years now, I have a mail man that literally terrorizes me. It first started when he parked in front of my car port/driveway and made me late for work one day. I came rushing out to my car to find the mailman had parked illegally blocking my entire car, blocking my driveway, half on the side walk, and half blocking an entire lane of traffic on one of Los Angeles' busiest streets.

So I yelled: "You can't park there. I need to leave." At that, the mailman walked AWAY FROM THE SCENE. I said: "Hey buddy, wait! I have to go to work! You can't park there."

He turned and snarled before continuing on: 
"I'm a government worker, I can do what I want."




He left me sitting in my car for an additional 5 minutes just to be an ass. I didn't complain then. I complained when it happened again. The second time, I walked up to him, and politely asked him to never park in front of my carport again. Saying that there is plenty of parking on the two cross streets running my house less than 200 feet in either direction. Or that there was parking directly across the street 85 feet away.

He muttered something nasty under his breath that I couldn't discern, and ignored me again. And he didn't move.

So I said, "Dude, move your van. What you're doing is illegal."

Nothing. Thinking he was just fucking with me, I let it go. But then I started noticing him doing it everyday. I even once parked my car a few inches out of the port just so he couldn't park there. What did he do? He still parked behind my car but even more out into the middle of the street. Finally after 4-5 days of him doing this, I said:

"Bro- what is the deal? Why do you constantly park in front of my spot?"

He said again: "Man I'm a government worker: I can do what I want."

I lost it. "The fuck you can. Quit parking in from of my spot. You are not above the law. Barack Obama is not above the law. Why not park in front of anyone else's spot?"

Again, he ignored me. That was two years ago. 9 appearances at his post office branch, 5 meetings with the station manager, 10+ phone calls to the carrier managers, 17 phone calls to Consumer Affairs, 6 emails to USPS.com, and two years of him harassing me and deliberately parking in front of my car port when there are 9 other car ports to park in front of, has lead me to ask for his termination.

Yesterday when I requested, both consumer affairs and the branch manager couldn't confirm that thy could even do anything to him. Why? Because he is in the union and grandfathered/ tenured into his position. This is the same post man that, on Christmas eve, parked in front of my spot again. I was taking my mom out to the car, yelled at him to move to which he responded: "fuck you faggot!" right in front of my mother.

Yet that was not enough to even have him punished. Verbally harassing me and calling me the single worst name you can call another man wasn't enough, even with witnesses. I've called parking admin. I've called the Sheriff. I've even called the mayor's office. Only to find this out: 

Unless he physically harms me or breaks "more severe a law" then there is nothing that can be done to him as a union rep. They at consumer affairs even admitted to me that mailmen often break the law to deliver mail when there is no parking and that law officials and parking admin turn a blind eye to it all. 

Seriously tho- pay attention to the fucked up way mailmen and women park and totally, blatantly break the law. 

Like my mailman breaking three laws himself every time he deliberately parks in front of my spot and not a legal spot. Why doesn't he park in front of someone else's spot? Because he knows that as long as it is only me complaining, that I'm like a boy crying mailman wolf and it will only be viewed as a disgruntled customer.

The post office is a prime example of why unions are null and void in 2014. The consumer affairs branch of the post office, for instance, has a lunch hour from 12 to 1. And they're only open from 8 to 4. So these people are getting paid for an eight hour day for only working seven hours plus benefits plus one of the best retirement packages of any federal employee in the country.

Meanwhile our Postal Service just gets worse and worse by the minute. Many branches closed service on Saturdays. My own personal branches decreased hours by 30 minutes. Most of the time that there has been any issues with the post office on a federal level it is been about union wage and benefit increases. Who pays for that? The consumer. We are the ones getting slapped with increased postage due to inflated union demands.

***

I work in event production. That means I'm often on set or at the production site for more than 10 hours. But because I'm not union I don't get things like a guaranteed lunch break at a specific time or else penalties are increased. Guaranteed breaks or else penalties are incurd and increased areas and places of the event then I'm not even allowed to go to because it's  "a hazard" all because they are union.

As someone in production, I see exactly how much money unions waste on a daily basis. I understand in their contract that they have specifically set guidelines for their meal breaks, but if you literally missed their meal break by five minutes, you could wrack up thousands and thousands of dollars of union penalties. Where does that money come from? 

Why do you think movies cost so much to make these days? Well, when you need a driver in a scene, that union worker makes more for his "skill." And if he is on break and you have to bring in another "expert", that person immediately gets the benefits the first driver gets, but all the while still paying the first driver for literally doing nothing. After 8 hours on the job? It's time and a half. After 10 it's double time. After 12 it's double time and a half. 

***

I watched as the teachers in Chicago went on strike last year, leaving hundreds of thousands of school kids no where to go. Who was left picking up the costs of their strikes? The state and parents of those kids who had to find some day care or child supervising for their kids since the highest paid educators in the country with the greatest benefits wanted more and didn't care how it effected the children. All for greater tenure flexibility and increased retirement benefits. 

I'm sorry, I do love teachers, but let's be real. What other profession allows you to work only 3/4 of the year and still have an annual sallary? And until teacher performance increases, do any of these teachers deserve more? (Chicago school district coincidentally has some of the worst records in the country in terms of quality of education, test scores, drop out rates, etc.)

Tenure is another thing- good teachers don't need it and bad teachers hold onto it as their only security from being fired for being shitty at their jobs. Job performance is something that should constantly be measured, not measured up until 10 years then dropped forever. Yes, I am being VERY hard on teachers and understand they are "underpaid" but again-- how many careers pay full time for 3/4 the work? Also ask yourselves this question:

Growing up, how many teachers did you have that you liked, learned something from, and remember as an educator that made a difference in your life???

For me, that answer is two:
Mrs. Hunter in 6th grade told us that we could write what we wanted to and be what we wanted to be. She encouraged creativity and hard work as a means to be able to achieve anything. She inspired me so much I have chosen to be a writer today. And Mrs. Blackburn in 11th grade. Mrs. B actually gave a shit and tried to make learning fun by incorporating a Mr. Keating type of education style in everything she taught us. I still remember some of their lessons today nearly 15 years later or more.

So if most of us can acknowledge that out of the 30 plus teachers we have had growing up, little more than 5% of our teachers are deemed by us as valid. Why oh why then do we have tenure protecting people who shouldn't be educating our children in the first place?

Granted, I see that there was a time and a place for unions. I understand that companies and corporations used to commit atrocities and terrible acts against their employees and expect them to work for less than nothing in horrible conditions. 

But the 1890s are gone. This is 2014. A day and age where my drone camera can see exactly what you're doing from thousands of miles away. A day and age where everyone has a camera. Everyone is a photographer and anyone can video everything that you're doing with the flick of the wrist.

 Are unions really necessary to "protect the rights of employees" when they aren't really doing that in the first place? I mean, the CEO of a union doesn't make the $65K that 95% of all of the union makes. Same thing with the CFO. In fact, all unions have someone on staff that is a lobbyist. This lobbyist' sole job is to guarantee wage and benefit increases for the union. Do you think he makes $65,000 a year?  Nope, probably something more like $500,000 a year. Same with the CEO. Same with the CFO. Maybe even more than $5 million a year.

And unions act like all employees are "union" and "the same." I'm sorry, if I have a doctorate in engineering, I'm not the same as you and should receive more than someone with less training and education as me. Just as someone who has been an employer for 30 years should receive more than someone who just joined. Why pretend that any of us are the same, when really every person and employee brings about their own unique qualifications and traits to the job?

What exactly is "union" about that? Today, there is nothing unifying about unions other than everyone wants to make more money and live better. Let's not be blind, anytime union increases happen, the ones that pay for those increases is the consumer. It is the taxpayer.  Rarely is it ever the union worker that actually has to make a sacrifice. Because what would the point of being in the union if you're seeing that you're having to make nothing but sacrifices. These days, unions are just as bad as corporations with their dirty politics, money lobbying, and undercutting the American taxpayer under the guise of helping the union.

I just don't see that unions are the way of the future and I'm not the only one. Several years back in 2011, Wisconsin Republican Gov. Scott Walker faced down the unions and signed the Wisconsin Budget and Repair Bill. Along with balancing his state's budget and fixing Wisconsin's growing debt among other things in the bill, it also severely limited unions and government workers availability in asking for increased salaries and benefits. The teachers and government workers striked soon after the Bill's bipartisan passage. But Walker held strong and crushed the unions and demanded government workers return to their jobs.

A special election, backed by the unions at the cost to taxpayers of $7.7 Million, was held in order to oust the governor for his actions against government employees.

However, the public wasn't having it. It was spread far and wide just how bipartisan the support for the Bill's passage was. Apparently the taxpayers and voters of Wisconsin were sick of floating the unions demands and handily re-elected Scott Walker to governor. At the time of the recall election, Walker had been in office less than a year. Now he is the only U.S. Governor in history to have ever faced a gubernatorial recall election and survived it. I shouldn't say survived. I should say beat the opponent handily with 56% of the vote. It is estimated that $80 million dollars flowed into the recall election in Wisconsin and that $30 million came from unions.

Wouldn't that $30 million have been better served elsewhere? Or if increases and benefits were so important, couldn't some of those increases come out of the $30 mil spent? Or maybe it should come out of the CEOs of the unions' million dollar salaries?!!!

That's why, as I said in the beginning, I am against unions. Because there really is nothing unified about them at all. We should start seeing them for what they really are: corporations within corporations.


Monday, September 8, 2014

Butch Otter



Nope, that isn't my nickname you silly queens! I just had to use that ridiculousness of a nombre--as soon as I heard it-- as my post title. 

No, Butch Otter is the state of #Idaho's current Republican governor (think about the people that voted in someone with that name, including my parents: who reside in Potato Land) and he is in the news today as the 9th Circuit court heard marriage equality cases from his state as well as Nevada and Hawaii.



First in Hawaii: Though lawmakers made Marriage Equality the law of the land, a case still remains questioning whether or not #Hawaii's marriage ban should be struck down as constitutional or if the case is moot.

In 2012, a Federal Judge in #Nevada upheld the state's marriage ban when 6 same sex couples sued to have it overturned. The 9th Circuit deemed gays a "protected class" in a seperate case, and the governor of Nevada has refused to testify for the defense of the ban and no longer supports it. 

Lastly Idaho's marriage ban was ruled unconstitutional earlier this year when a Federal District Court Judge struck down the state's ban on marriage equality. Ol' Governor Otter appealed the decision to the 9th circuit. 

Oral arguments begin today in San Francisco for the three combined cases at the 9th Circuit. Hopefully the 9th will join the 10th, 4th, and 7th Circuit courts in affirming the freedom to marry.

These cases come after a teeter-tottering last week between losing and winning the freedom to marry in different parts of the U.S. Last week saw a judge uphold a marriage ban in Louisianna- a first in the south. Meanwhile an appealatte court ruled 3-0 striking down marriage bans in Wisconsin and in Indiana. This would bring the total number of states in America with marriage equality to 21, but the decision was stayed.

Judge Richard Posner wrote in his decision striking down the bans on Wisconsin and Indiana: 

"Homosexuals are among the most stigmatized, misunderstood, and discriminated-against minorities,” he wrote. Denying them the freedom to marry imposes “continuing pain,” he said, and claims that allowing same-sex marriage would harm heterosexual unions or children, or other state interests, were “totally implausible.”

Victories in Idaho and Nevada would further propell the number to 23.

Hopefully Butch Otter doesn't get his way. No, not this Butch Otter.


Nope, not this one either: 


...

#9thCircuit #dimu #7thcircuitappeal


Friday, September 5, 2014

Jeffrey Goes Abroad





Always surround yourself with people who are going to inspire you and challenge what you perceive the world to be. 

My friend Jeffrey is currently inspiring me. I think we have all wanted, at some point in our lives, to just sell everything we own and backpack Europe. Figure it all out when we get there. Start over and make a new life for ourselves. And leave our lives up to fate and God. Step off the edge of the preverbal cliff and let go.

In less than a month, I say goodbye and adieu to a fast friend that has become a great addition to my life. Because Jeffrey has decided to grab life by the balls and just do it! Like a modern day Frost, Jeff's two roads diverged and he is taking off on the bohemian highway straight for Europe. Like a lot of mid-twenty-year olds with the weight of their future--at the time of a recession--on their shoulders, he is looking to explore the old continent and eventually settle in whatever city he finds most becoming.

I love that about him: the final decision he made to just sell off most of his stuff and move to Europe in hopes of a better, fuller future. And I find his story of wanting to backpack and see the world so romantic and so beautiful at the same time. Jeffrey was me in my 20s. Jeffrey is me now. I will always have wanderlust and part of me is certainly jealous of him. (I write this with a smile on my face.)

Some people you might call crazy for wanting to just abandon their life and start anew like an 1800s immigrant. The way Jeff sees it; however, is that this is his time to swim or fly and he's standing on the cliff with his wings out. I would probably say most people would be crazy for wanting to start over in a totally new country. Yet, I don't think Jeffrey of all people as "starting over" versus expanding his empire. The courage this undertaking'll require will be massive. 

The way I sees it is this: He is an artist--not bound by any place or time. I've seen some of his work with hair and makeup and he very well could make a huge name for himself. He's that good. And the creative energy that flows from him is infectious. Any artistic team would be lucky to have his visionary mind behind or involved with their project. 

As I write this, Jeff currently has a billboard on La Cienega Boulevard and Santa Monica Boulevard here in Los Angeles that he worked on.



That's how I know Jeffrey is going to be OK when he moves to Europe. There is a look in his eye when he speaks about visions or concepts he can create that guarantees he will be successful in anything he does. In the meanwhile, he is moving to a new continent where he hardly knows anyone. Brave ass soldier/boss style! So, if any of my friends or anyone reading this has any suggestions or contacts, you can pass them onto me or on to Jeffrey's email. Got a photoshoot you need done up for? Make up/hair work? 

jeffreyscottrivera@gmail.com

Or if you'd like to help fund the start of my friend's new life and career:


Here is some of his extraordinary work:







God speed and much love to you, my little Moisha! 


Contact Jeffrey @:

https://www.couchsurfing.org/people/jeffreyscott1/

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Say it ain't so, Joan!



Joan Rivers has died and another comedic light has gone out. She was known the world over for her razor sharp wit, hilarious descriptions, and her trailblazing efforts as a female comedian.

Joan, you will be missed!






Monday, September 1, 2014

Big Easy Crescent City




What happens in New Orleans is never mentioned again. And for good reason. This city walks a narrow tightrope between being a quaint, distinctively American river city and being a hedonist paradise for total shit shostocy.




I find NOLA to be big and anything but easy. However America has a lot to learn from the Crescent City:



Staying open 24 hours and being the only real deal city left in America with any simulation to Berlin doesn't kill anyone. Serving alcohol 24 hours doesn't either. In fact, it brings in a shit ton of money to the community and economy. And finally, being able to carry your drink in the street and from pub to pub makes for a much more relaxed atmosphere and therefore I'm more likely to stay and make a purchase. 

There's a lot to be said about this Las Vegas of the South. And a lot to cherish for yourself. My last night here, I met and fell in love with someone in the way that I re-met and fell in love with the Crescent City. Will we meet again? Will our paths cross at a later date? Be still my heart, New Orleans- I'll be back again!