I was not there to witness this, but according to her, he fell 4 feet and onto concrete...
***
We had just gotten back from the vet's office. I pulled into my parking spot and my mom informed me that she needed me to bring the stuff from the back of the car into the house because she needed to take a shit. Sorry for being real, but this is my mother.
As she's getting out of the car, she volunteers to take Xavier with her up into my apartment. I tell her that I want to wrap Xavier's traveling cage up in a blanket so that no one can see him. Xavier, in case you hadn't seen previous blogposts or the photo above, is my 5 year old ferret. Ferrets as pets are stupidly still illegal in California in 2013, so I keep his carrier, and himself, hidden from plain eye sight.
"No," she says. "I can just carry him in my jacket."
I thought that wasn't a good idea and that he needed further hiding/protection from the elements. My mother is 5' tall and weighs 300lbs. As a result she walks with a cane, so I was skeptical about her taking him up the stairs, but for some reason, I agreed. Probably because I asked her if she would be able to manage it with her cane and she confirmed that she could.
So I let her go. I packed up my backpack, some work stuff from the night before, and Xavier's food and carrying cage.
When I got into my house, my mom was on the phone with her friend. I put everything away and began settling into my house when my mom announced that:
"Xavier was quite the pill to handle."
"Oh?" I said.
"He wiggled himself out of my arms and fell onto the ground."
"WHAT?" I asked. "What did you say?"
"He fell outta of my arms. It was an accident."
"WHAT???" I asked, tears forming in my eyes. "YOU DROPPED HIM?" My voice was escalated at this point.
"He wiggled out of my arms," my mom said. "There was nothing I could do."
"NOTHING YOU COULD DO?!?" I yelled. "YOU DROPPED XAVIER!!! How could you have done that? What if that was your grandchild?"
She continued defending it as an accident. That he wiggled his way out of the blanket I wrapped him up in and out of her arms.
I couldn't handle her excuse. I knew part of the reason my mom dropped him was/is she is so overweight she often can't see what's in front of her, can't move quickly, is completely oblivious to what's around her, and her reactions to situations are lackluster at best.
I just laid into her, yelling at her and crying my eyes out. I screamed at her things like
"What if that was your grandchild?" Or "How could you have been so lazy? Why didn't you set him down?" Or "If you weren't 300 lbs you'd realize things like him slipping out of your arms and you would have just set him down." Or "you wouldn't need a cane at 62. Dad and Jacqueline are out skiing right now and you are so fat you can't even walk down a city block."
I just couldn't believe how a one pound ferret could have manipulated his way out of a grasp of a grown woman.
I was so crushed. I didn't mean to be so harsh to her but her weight pays a toll on her daily life: she can't walk more than a block nor stand for more than 30 minutes nor lift anything nor move faster than a turtle at 62. She needs blood pressure meds every day. She drinks half a glass of water everyday and the rest of her nutritional intake is also very sketchy. It's upsetting to see my mom not only let herself go, but have her weight and poor choices potentially seriously injur or kill others.
My mom lashed back at me saying I always freak out, lose my tempor, and mouth off to people and that is partly why I am alone. That my actions are what causes me to be so isolated in this life. That the things I say can be so hurtful that they push the people I love away.
So I guess I'm asking:
at what point does something stop being considered an accident and become the responsibility of the person who made the action in the first place?
At what point do both my mother and I need to grow up in order to realize we are the ones to blame for many of the situations that arise in our lives?
I learned a lesson yesterday. Sometimes accidents are not accidents, but the result of carelessness. That doesn't mean that malicious intent was there.
My therapist told me I cannot change other people that I can only change myself. Next time I'll be more careful as to not entrust my baby with others without fully examining the consequences.
And my mother is right: I need to cool down and think things through more before reacting and counter reacting. My mouth and actions have gotten me into trouble in the past. And it has isolated me from people.
I'm still really upset with her at the moment, but only I can change the way I feel.
Time will heal all wounds.
